Being the “OKAYEST” Teacher Mom with Heather from The Okayest Moms [episode 34]

Hey, teacher friends. I am so excited to be here today with Heather McTaggart from the Okayest. Moms. I love their podcast. I love how their whole message of you don’t have to be a perfect mom. You don’t have to be a Pinterest or Instagram. perfect parent. And I love being on their podcasts. They emailed me and they just found me on Instagram and I got an email and was like, Hey, I would love to have you on our show talking about how parents can build a great relationship with teachers. They tried to look for a teacher podcaster. And they just found me. And I was so glad that they did because as soon as I saw their email and saw that their podcast name was the Okayest Moms, I’m like, oh, yeah, these are my people. We just We can’t be perfect all the time. And even as I hear from coaches a lot, it’s like B minus work. You know, we just we can’t do A plus all the time because we would burn ourselves out. So I just love the message behind even just the name of their podcast, which is why I named the episode kind of geared around their name as well. So I loved meeting them being on their podcast. And I wanted to invite them to come over to our show today to kind of talk about being a teacher and a mom because Heather is a former teacher as well. And Brittany is very involved with teachers as well. She helped with the event Show Up For Teachers that we did here in Utah. And it was so much fun to be able to meet her in person and that event was just so much fun too. So both of them really understand teachers and we will miss Brittany today. She’s not able to be here, but we’re going to have a lot of fun talking with Heather. So Heather is the co host of the Okayest Moms the podcast. Every week, she and Co-hosts Brittany discuss topics relevant to modern motherhood. They strive to normalize imperfect motherhood and help moms recognize the importance of being more than just mom. Okay, so without further ado, let’s dive into today’s episode.

Welcome to the podcast. Heather. I’m so happy that you are here today.

Thank you so much for having me. We had so much fun when you were on our show. And it’s I’m so happy I can return the favor.

Yes. I love to be on your show. You have just an incredible podcast. I love what you and Brittany do over there. Can you introduce yourself to our listeners and tell us a bit them a bit about you and the Okayest Moms?

Sure. So my name is Heather. I am a wife and mother of two. And I am the co host of the Okayest Mom’s podcast. My friend Brittany and I started the podcast we originally started as a blog and it’s morphed now into a podcast and we have been podcasting for gosh, can you almost three years now it’s crazy to think that we’ve been around for that long.

That’s incredible. I feel like people who stick to it that long. That’s like, you know, you’re like an official official podcaster.

We’re committed now when especially if you think about what the last three years have been to stick through anything through that. I feel like you know, I don’t think about it often. But now that I say that it’s like wow, okay, we’re doing something here.

That’s really cool. And so did you two know each other before you started the Okayest Moms like how did that come about?

Yeah. So Brittany, so her youngest and my oldest are about three or four months apart. And we actually met through a mom’s running group. It’s called Mom’s Run This Town. They have chapters all over the country. And so we would go to these things. Our local chapter had an event called Run and Play. So we would throw the kids in the strollers, go for a run and then meet at the playground afterwards. And we kind of just got to talking, we found out we ended up going to the same college before our kids were close in age, and we kind of just clicked. And then long ago, she had a product based business called Brittany Garner Design. And she brought me on to kind of help with some behind the scenes things. And we kind of just decided, we had joked, like, because at that time, it was kind of like peak influencer culture, like it had just started. And it was, you know, like, okay, cool to work with the small shop and like all those things. So I would recruit bloggers at the time that influencer wasn’t even a name, it was blogger. And we would kind of joke like, we can do this. And we, you know, we would look at their Instagram. And this was in gosh like 2015. And we would look and like, our kids don’t look like that. Who, whose kid is sitting there perfectly in a crisp white shirt, posing the picture in their crisp white kitchen. And we’re like, this is not it. This is not motherhood, nothing. I haven’t showered in a week. My kid hasn’t slept in a year. Like, this is not anything that is happening over here. And so that’s kind of where Okayest Moms was born. And one day I came over, and she was like, so I bought the URL. And I was like, for what she’s like, for Okayest Moms, I was like, that wasn’t the issue. Like, I mean, a logo. And I was like, that wasn’t even like, serious like that. We just like kind of like brainstormed a couple names. But had it not been for her to do that, we probably never would have done it. Because I would have found a million reasons not to. So that’s how we got started.

I love that you just like jumped in. And you did it. And honestly, so as you mentioned, I was on your podcast a couple months ago, you had reached out to me and you found me on Instagram. And as soon as they saw your podcast name the Okayest Mom’s like, okay, they are my people, like, you know, it’s just like, we don’t have to be perfect all the time. You know, like none of us are. So we don’t have to pretend that we are either.

Absolutely one. I feel like when we started, I think people kind of bristle that the name because I feel like if we can all think back to 2015 2016, that time and how motherhood was portrayed on Instagram, it was very much. This is what it looks like. It’s very beige. It’s very neutral. It’s very, like everything is perfect. And I think the thought that it could not be that was very hard for a lot of moms. And I think over the last three years, I think we’ve all been worn down that, okay, there is absolutely no way to keep at this pace under these conditions, under these constant changing of restrictions, and you know, like all these curveballs being thrown at us. And I think it’s really landing with people now more than ever,

I think it’s just so relatable. And it makes people feel like, Oh, it’s okay, that I’m not like those pictures on Instagram, you know, because even the people who have those pictures on Instagram aren’t really like that.

Well, and that’s a great point, if that’s your thing, and like you love taking pictures, and like you just are shoving everything over to the side of the counter to get your shot. Like I get it, we you know, just for a certain point, we have to walk the walk and play the game and all those things. And so, but we also love to show like, Hey, this is behind the scenes, this is like the unfolded laundry that I moved out of the shot. This is like my kid on the on the driveway screaming because I made him go on a bike ride like these are, these are the real life moments and like we can take pride and joy in those like perfect little seconds if they make you happy. But if they don’t make you happy, don’t need to do that.

Exactly. And that’s such a good point. Because there’s nothing wrong with those pictures either. Because it’s kind of like another art form. Like that might be what somebody loves to do. It’s really what we think about is like if we take that picture, or we make it mean something about ourselves. So I think your podcast just reminds people not to do that.

Well, that’s definitely our goal. So thank you.

Okay, so today I wanted to talk with you a bit about being a teacher and a mom, because like you said before, or at least I’ll have mentioned in the intro, you are a former teacher, now you’re a mom. And you know, there are women balancing both of these roles. There are big identities to our listeners. And we have listeners who are mainly teachers, many of whom are also moms, and we have homeschool moms who listen as well. So we’re talking to moms who have a lot on their plates and teaching is a huge job and being a mom is a huge job and you know this so what advice do you have to help these moms let go with some of these perfectionistic tendencies and be okay with being an okayest teacher mom?

Oh my gosh, I this is I really feel out of my depth with this question because part of the reason I quit teaching is because I just I couldn’t wrap my head around being both mom and teacher. And part of that too was in between my starting my teaching career and having children we relocated and so it was kind of a natural break to stop teaching as well. But it’s just a lot like you said people have a lot of both of their plates. And I think one thing I’ve learned is that you have to break out of this role that you think you’re supposed to be. When I was a teacher, I thought I had to be everything, I had to do everything, I had to make everything I saw on Pinterest, I had to buy everything I loved on Teachers Pay Teachers, I had to cut it out laminate it have everything running smoothly, all at the same time. And I burned myself out. And I and I repeated that same cycle when I became a mom, I had a very my first baby was very difficult. She never really slept, she and I just thought, you know what, I am going to teacher this, I’m going to Type A this and we’re going to figure this out, I’m gonna get her on a schedule, she’s going to eat all the things, I’m going to breastfeed no matter what I’m going to, you know, like all those things, because I just thought that if I could control it, then it could make it work. And I could make it perfect. And I was humbled very quickly. And well, I shouldn’t say very quickly, because I fought it for a very long time and without admit that I could not handle it. And I think the sooner I realized that kids come as they come you and I strongly believe you have about 10% influence on them. And they’re you can’t make a kid sleep no matter how hard you try. I’ve tried everything. And I think the same is true in a classroom, you really have to take your students as they come. And I think as much as we’d like to think that we can take them as they are at the beginning of the year and completely transform them by the end of the year. I think that’s an unattainable goal. And I think society puts that on teachers, we asked so much of them. And I think we’re seeing the consequences of that play out right now, with teachers leaving the profession and things like that. So I think you really have to put aside the expectations of yourself and embrace what you can do. And kind of just forget the rest, both as a teacher and a mom.

And we all do this thing, like you mentioned, like resisting it for a long time. Like no, I can like do it all. But I think it’s the sooner we can just admit that we can’t do it all. And like just accept it and be like, Okay, this is how it’s going to be that I feel like just the happier will be in both roles, honestly.

And don’t get me wrong, I still have my moments and my like phases where I still want to resist it. And you know, as your kids enter a new phase or new, like behavior crops up or whatever it is. That is who I am, I think it’s the teacher in me, I can’t get it out of me. It’s like the first instinct is like, No, I know what to do. I know the child development, I know the theories behind it, like, here’s what we’re gonna do, like, I always have a plan. And nobody cares about that plan except me. And because there’s like this fear that if I don’t get this right, right now, it’s going to cause some kind of damage or a bigger problem down the road, or, like, I have to get this right the first time. And I think as moms and teachers, we don’t give ourselves enough grace and credit that we don’t have that much power. We don’t I mean, aside from like, a very, like, you know, certain situations, if you say the wrong thing, it’s probably going to be fine, you’re going to have another chance to correct it. And it’s going to be okay, if you strike out on the first one, you’re gonna get another at bat, because kids are going to keep on doing what they’re going to do. So I think once you remove that pressure, everything else becomes easier.

I totally agree once you remove that pressure, but also, like you said, we’re all going to slide back into putting that pressure on ourselves. We we’re human, we’re going to do that. And I think it’s just like, trying to notice it quicker, getting better at catching yourself doing it. And redirecting is really all we can do. But that’s how we can improve that is like, Oh, I’m doing that again. That’s interesting. Let’s redirect that, you know.

Yeah, we have to redirect ourselves just as much as we redirect the kids. Absolutely.

Like, you know, our brains are kind of toddlers at times too.

That’s true, our bodies just get bigger, but we are always toddlers.

So as a former teacher, what are some like specific examples of things you think teachers can do to be an okayest teacher like some things they might be doing that would be okay for them to simplify?

So I’ve been thinking about this kind of, so we’re about four weeks into the school year as of recording right now. And I’m noticing already differences between last school year where over in our district, we were still partially under COVID restrictions at the beginning of the year, and then things kind of eased up throughout the year. And this year kind of seems to be no holds barred. So I’m noticing differences and how, you know, just in the communication that’s coming home from the teachers and different expectations in the classroom and things like that, and I’m kind of like taking notes about something so I’m so glad you asked. But one thing that’s come to mind is homework. So my kids technically go to a no homework school. But the teachers and the teachers last year just said you didn’t just read for 20 minutes that was all we had last year, I had a first grader and kindergartner. So that felt fine for me for a no homework school. And of course, we’re gonna read this year, they’re sending home the corresponding homework math page with whatever lesson they did that day. And it’s, there’s no expectation of it. But there is like, hey, like, if you get to it, this would be great. And we’re also getting spelling words home. So we’re practicing spelling lists, again, and sight words and things like that. And now my kids are in more activities. And we’re trying to learn that new routine after school. And it’s making me think how grateful I am that none of this is required. And I’m thinking of all the schools where homework still is a huge part of the day. And thinking about like, I am pulling teeth out to get my daughter to do one or two, because I’ve just decided that you want, we’re just going to do like one or two problems from your math page. And I can kind of gauge where you’re at that. And if we need more than we’ll do it. So two, is hard enough. And I’m thinking if we had to do two sides of this whole page, so that she didn’t lose her recess the next day, or whatever it is. It’s just like, why, why are we doing this?

Yeah, I think you’re right, that’s a good way we could simplify is just even just the homework and everything.

Yeah, when especially if, you know, everybody’s family situation is different at home. And if, and I’m lucky enough that I can kind of adjust my schedule. So when the kids come home, I’m kind of have my mom hat on again. But if you know, you’re not getting home until six 630, and you still need dinner, and showering, you know, like do all those things. It’s really hard to pack homework in that. And then I think that just gives such a negative connotation to school, when so many kids don’t need any more negative connotations with school. And I think especially, I try really hard to have like natural consequences and have the, you know, the punishment fit the crime, if you will, and you know that it just doesn’t work. And then we’re taking playtime away from an already super structured day. And we want the kids to do better. And I know so many of these decisions are at the administration level. So I’m not going to harp on individual teachers. But I really think that’s a fight worth fighting. I think get some parents on your side, I’m sure you would find dozens who would happily join you in that fight. But that just seems like a really easy thing to free up from a teacher’s plate, because that takes a lot of management to check the homework every morning to stamp it or do whatever you’re going to do and then decide, okay, this kid needs the slip to take to the yard duty because they’re losing their recess, or like it’s just

the losing recess is not my favorite.

Yeah. And it’s just it’s a lot of management, like hands on management for the teacher. So don’t waste your time doing that.

Yeah, that’s a great suggestion. And I remember actually, even earlier in the episode you mentioned, you don’t have to like laminate everything or like, do like perfect things like that either. There’s like a quite a few different ways that you could just simplify, like, look at your day and make what is not necessary, you know?

Right. Well, and then another thing I thought of too, is, there’s been a really big focus on my kids school on socio emotional learning, and kind of just like connecting. And I was thinking back to my days in the classroom. And all of that always seemed like extra fluff to me. And there was always such a so I taught at a title one school. And there was such a focus on instructional minutes. And we have to keep with the pacing guide of the curriculum, and we have to hit these things, because the state tests are coming, and we just don’t have time. And so a lot of those extra like ways to connect with your students just kind of got pushed to the wayside because I thought we didn’t have time. And now I’m seeing, especially with my oldest is in second now. And she’s really never had a regular school year. And so I think you cannot skip any of that. I know kids are behind. I know there’s learning loss and all these other buzzwords, but I think we cannot lose the connection with these kids. And that’s more important than anything they’re going to learn in math that day.

100%. And actually, by the time this airs, we’re going to have an episode all about that where we hear from teachers, like even some in their own voices of what they’re seeing with those social, emotional gaps. And a lot of teachers are saying that the social emotional gaps are actually wider than the learning gaps, like they’re seeing, like second graders rafting like kindergarteners, or whatever. And I really think that making time for that social emotional learning is so important. And we even have a resource that makes it super easy daily activities done for you. So I’ll make sure to link to that in the show notes too.

With all the never ending pressures teachers are facing these days, you need resources, differentiated resources to meet all the ever widening gaps we’re seeing in education and to save you tons of time. But you also need more resources alone won’t help the mental load that you face as a teacher. You need more hands on support with that, and that is what you will get inside Wife Teacher Mommy club, our combination of unlimited differentiated resources and our teacher life coaching program is our secret sauce that you will not find anywhere else. Check out what Nicole has to say.

“I love everything about Wife Teacher Mommy. I enjoyed listening to the podcast, I enjoy being part of the club. And I especially like the coaching calls those those get really raw and real and to the heart of teaching as well as just how it affects our full life. Also, like the the Facebook group, and I really love the products, they make it easy to use in class.”

For podcast listeners only save 10% On your first payment. It is my special thank you for taking the time to listen to this podcast, go to wieteachermommyclub.com to claim your discount with code podcast10 and see the transformation it’ll make in your teacher life. You’ll love the hours of time saved and the mindset shifts that will help you live your best teacher life.

So kind of on the note of teacher burnout, and you know, even homeschool mom burned out what can they do to not burn themselves out? So they have the capacity left to also put on their mom hat after a day of teaching?

Yeah, absolutely. I think you have to say no, you have to and I know, especially in a profession dominated by women, I think it’s very hard for us to say no, I think we want to please everybody, we want to help everybody. We want to fix everything. And it simply can’t be done. There are too many things being asked of teachers, even outside of academics. Teachers are basically moms all day long, whether you have kids at home or not. And you have to draw boundaries. And I think that was one thing I struggled with when I was in the classroom. I was 23, newly married, my husband was working long hours, I had nothing but time to just pour into my classroom. And I didn’t know we weren’t talking about burnout in 2011, we did this that wasn’t on our radar. I didn’t know what I was doing. And I thought especially working in the title one school, there was literally always something to be done. There was always more I could do. And I just like on a human level, I wanted to help these children, I would come home and just ball because I couldn’t do enough. And I think the sooner you can separate and accept that you can’t do, you’ll never do enough ever, even in the most upper middle class of schools, there will never be enough, there will always be parents who want more. And you know, turn on those out of offices every day at three o’clock. I’m spending time with my family at home. And I hope you guys are doing the same. I will be happy to answer your question when I get to my emails again, tomorrow at 8am, or whatever it is. And I think you may get some pushback from some parents. But I think you may also have a lot of parents celebrating that. And I stopped giving out your cell phone numbers.

We talked a lot about this on your podcast. Yeah, about the phone number and the office hours and email.

Yeah, you cannot especially in this day and age of we walk around with computers in our hands all the time, you are available, people think you’re available 24/7. And you cannot be especially if you are coming home to children of your own, who are requiring just as much if not more from you. Set those boundaries, say no, and just know that people are gonna be mad about it. And that’s, that’s a them problem. That’s something you problem.

Okay. And actually kind of so you mentioned, you know, when you’re a teacher, you’re kind of playing mom all day, and then you come home and be mom. And that’s actually something that has come up even in our coaching calls with Wife Teacher Mommy, like I am around kids all the time, I don’t get time for myself. And some of these teachers, they truly believe that they don’t have time for this self care to take care of themselves because they’re like, well, I need to make sure I have time for my kids because like, you know, I don’t want to do more for other people’s kids, my kids or whatever they feel like it’s selfish to take time for themselves. So what are your thoughts about this struggle? And what would you have to say to teachers who are feeling it?

I have thought about this so much i It’s always kind of in the back of my mind. Do I want to go back to the classroom? Is this where I see myself because I always keep my credentials and fingerprints up to date because it’s just easier to deal with that than to let them lapse. I’m constantly thinking about this when that you know, I’ll pick my kids up from school or and occasionally I will still will still sub at my kids school. And you know, as soon as the bell rings, there are my kids right through the door. It’s like oh, okay, there’s, there’s literally no time. So I, I get that. I think if your budget allows I would say hire after school care so that you do get some time I know contract hours can be different and things like that. But if you can make it work, I say do that, you know take and if you have that care, take the long way home, stop at Target and run through that you like whatever it is that you want to do go for a run after school or to the gym or whatever. Or just like sit in your classroom in silence. That’s what you need. And I know not everyone’s budgets, especially teacher budgets don’t always allow for that kind of thing. Or find the time on the weekends, maybe trade time with your spouse or something like that. But it truly is so important. And I am a huge hypocrite because of course, I don’t ever do that enough for myself. So much easier to tell people all day long with, of course, you need to do that. And it’s, I know, it’s so much harder, because again, there is always something to do. But you know, that dumb old saying, I hate to even repeat it, but you can’t pour from an empty cup. And it’s so true. And it’s a cliche because it’s true. Yes, I agree. But it has to be done.

One hack, I can share, like kind of like a mom hack for childcare, like to easily fit it in your budget is getting a gym membership with childcare. You can usually get like two hours a day. And I’m not a two hour workout person. So like I can go do like a 30 minute or an hour workout, if I do a class and then still have another hour on there that I can just be at the facility and do whatever I want with it.

Yeah, so I totally think that’s a great hack. And I feel it a lot. Because I know that my first thought would be, I just picked up these kids. And now I’m gonna go throw them in the gym daycare. And I totally get that. But I think the kids don’t really care as much as you care. You have to let that go.

Well, it doesn’t even have to be a daily thing, you know, totally like you do it on like Tuesday and Saturday or something. But that works in a little bit of time for you. And even like exercise can be self care, you know? So absolutely. I feel like it’s a double whammy right there.

Yeah, or even if you’re like running to a kids practice or lesson or whatever, right after school, you know, instead of and I’m, again, totally guilty of this myself, but instead of sitting in your chair on the sidelines, gossiping, you’re like, do some laps around the field or whatever it is, like I really think getting your body moving helps so much. And that is something I tell myself every day as I go on my grumpy walks. And the hardest part is getting moving in. So I think that’s another one that could work too is waking up early, I hate to even suggest that maybe to teachers, because I know your day is already so long. But you have to find the time where it works for your family. And for me, right, I’m not a morning person. But right now in this season of life, waking up before everybody else. And at least like getting breakfast down before I see a child just makes the day smoother. So you have to, I think find the biggest pain point. Like if you’re grumpy us in the morning, then that’s where you need to find the time or if you’re grumpy after school, I think that’s where you find the time however, you can work on the pain points.

That’s a good meter. Like when are you grumpy? How can you make that time better?

Yeah, because that’s kind of how my early mornings alone started. Because I get very, I have a lot of sleep needs, which are never met. And I’m a very angry person. And so mornings were obviously very difficult. And I just kind of had this epiphany one morning of like, I feel like I’m screaming every morning. And I after I dropped the kids off. I just like I’m like frantic. And then I it’s like, okay, this cannot be we cannot keep doing this. And that’s kind of where it’s like, Okay, I will sacrifice and wake up early. Because I know that’s better in the long run. And now I wake up early naturally. So you can train yourself to be a morning person. It’s not fun, but it can be done.

Absolutely. I had a phase where I did the early mornings. And right now I’m not in that phase, I feel like you know, sometimes that might be a thing. And sometimes it might not, you know, and you can just kind of figure out where it works for your current season.

And I think that’s also a really hard thing for teachers, too, is kind of rearranging the schedule. I know teachers love a routine and a schedule just as much as the students do. And it can be really, especially when you’re pivoting and doing so many different things. You know, you’re differentiating for a student, and oh, today’s Picture Day, and so the schedule is weird. And so you have to like move math to after lunch or whatever, like, teachers are pivoting all the time. So I completely understand why they hold on to any bit of structure they can. But it’s not always going to be like this. And that’s another platitude I hate that it’s just a season of life and things won’t always be this way. And in fact, it’s true. And you kind of you have to find the time where you were in whatever works now, may not work even next semester or next school year. And so you kind of just have to, like you always have to be pivoting.

I know I feel like pivoting I feel like that word ever since COVID. It’s just like has an extra ring to it, you know, but it’s so true. It’s like you know, we just need to be willing and ready to pivot when we need to. So yeah, yes. Okay, so on your show. I love how you always have your guests share an okayest mom moment, and I love that when I came on your show, I explained how like when the pandemic hit. We did a ceiling TV with our children, which was literally we had a projector are connected to the Apple TV and it projected onto their ceilings and they got to watch TV, because I was working so much like trying to pivot to help the teachers like, you know, because my teachers had to pivot, we, as resource creators had to pivot to all of a sudden, oh, we have nothing digital. Let’s digitize everything. So we were working like crazy. So kids watch a show. That was my Okayest mom moment, do you have one to share with our listeners?

I do. So this is a good one for the teachers. So my son and daughter both had the same kindergarten teacher, they were back to back in school. So we’ve had the same teacher for two years, and she is amazing. I have lovingly referred to her as a witch before because she just like has, she can cast a spell on these children and get them to do whatever she wants. And I am very jealous of her abilities. So we went to back to school night or open house or whatever, for my son when he was in kindergarten, my daughter was in first grade. And the teacher who we knew very well, at this point, I have to tell you the funniest story, and we’re expecting it to be about my son, because that’s who was currently in her class. And she goes, Isla’s just been coming in here to use the bathroom. And because there was a typical kindergarten classroom with the adjoining bathroom. What she does, yeah, she just waltz in and says, Hey, Mrs. So and so I just have to go the bathroom. Don’t mind me. And she goes in and she uses the bathroom. And then she just says, Okay, bye. And then she walks out. And what? That’s not her bathroom to use. And so what was happening was that, you know, as any elementary school teacher can tell you, the bathrooms get destroyed on a daily basis, or the paper everywhere stalls get locked, and kids crawl under and panic and nobody can get back in and all those things. So my daughter was going to the bathroom deciding that the conditions weren’t up to snuff for her. And Jenny, she did solve her own problem, but she was just barging into the other room to use the bathroom. So I mean, thank God for this teacher who is just a god to me. She is truly like an improv artists, which I feel like all the best teachers are she was just like, Okay, I was in here going to the bathroom. Oh, okay. We are moving on.

So funny. Oh, man, that’s a good one. Do you have an okayest teacher moment from your days in the classroom?

I do. I’ve been racking my brain thinking about this. I feel like this is going to be a darker one, maybe. And I don’t mean to bring the mood down. But I feel like it’s a really good, it kind of just drives home the point that you can’t do everything. You can’t be everything. I had a student who had been absent for a couple of days. And I went into the office thinking, you know, like, do they want homework? Like what’s going on? And so I was talking with the Secretary and she goes, Oh, nobody told you, you know, nobody taught what do you mean, and he had been placed into foster care. And I didn’t know anything. And so my immediate reaction was, You’re the worst teacher ever. Because how did you not know that anything was happening, that he would need to be placed into foster care. And I didn’t know, I never saw anything. I never suspected anything. And I never saw him again. And it just made goodness, that’s so hard. It was really heartbreaking. And over the years, I’ve kind of realized that, you know, there are many different reasons to be in foster care. And it isn’t always obvious, of course, and there probably wasn’t anything I could have done differently. And just to be know, maybe I was the bright spot in the day where everything kind of felt normal. And if that’s all I could do, then then I did that because that was the only option for me. And as time has gone by, I’ve had more time to think about it, I just realized that we expect so much from teachers, and we literally cannot do it all. You can love these kids for six hours a day as much as you want. But that’s all you get. You have no control over anything at home, anything that their parents do, or don’t do or anything, and it’s just, you know it, you can sit there and blame me, you know, society, the school board, the parents, whatever, you can blame me for all the problems and all the things I’m not doing. But you know, what is Brene Brown say if you’re not in the rain, getting your ass kicked, then stay home.

I love Brene she’s, she’s incredible. She’s the best. But yeah, I appreciate you sharing that story. Because like, I feel like so many teachers have had, I mean, probably not all the exact story, obviously, but like situations where they’re like, Oh, how did I not see this? How did I not know? Or how did I not do this or that, you know, for the student? And I think it’s really just is what you said like we can’t do and be everything for everyone at all times. So we’re all doing our best and we just have to be good with that. You know?

Yeah. And I think we’ve been trained to think that that’s you dropping the ball, when in reality I don’t think it’s, it’s truthfully, the systems in our society that have dropped the ball where it would be on me to think that I had to notice something like that when in reality, if we’re supporting families better than that’s how we support teachers better.

Yes, I agree. Like when we support each other, it’s kind of like we talked about when I came onto your podcast, which again, everybody should go listen to the Okayest Mom’s podcast, if you are a mom, it’s a great one. But we talked about how the parents and teachers, you know, we’re kind of, we’re on the same team. And we just want what’s best for students. And I know, some parents are harder and more difficult than others to, like, communicate with, or maybe they do things that feel very frustrating. And you’re like, why are they doing this or whatever. But at the end of the day, for the most part, parents and teachers do want this thing. I mean, other than, you know, some situations, like maybe what you mentioned, but you know, we all are trying to do our best, I do believe that even those who their best is pretty terrible. Like, there’s probably some sort of reason behind it, you know.

Exactly. And I think that’s where you need to keep your focus that these parents love their children, you love their children, because you’re their teacher. And sometimes that love looks like an overbearing parent, because that’s just how they don’t know any other way to express that, you know, and as humans are not taught how to cope and express our emotions properly. I think we expect that to change just because they’re adults. And it does not again, we’re all just toddlers and big bodies. I think it’s hard to take the brunt of that for sure. And teachers never should have to. But I think especially these last couple years, I think that love and fear has been expressed as anger. And it’s not fair. But also, you know, if that’s the only way, you know, that’s the only way you know.

Exactly, I feel like this was so relatable and yeah, that I mean, like you said it was kind of like a sad thing. But I feel like so many it’s just relatable and you know, something we can all take to heart is like that, you know, we’re all doing our best. What final word of advice do you have for our listeners today?

You’re doing great. It may not feel like it but I promise you are you are not going to be the perfect teacher. You’re not going to be the perfect mom. And that’s what therapists are for.

Oh, absolutely.

For you for the kids. It’s fine.

Yes, for sure. Okay, so where can our listeners find and connect with you.

So we have new episodes every Tuesday. And you can find us wherever you get your podcasts. Or you can find us online. Our website is www.okayestmoms.com. And we are most active on Instagram at @okayestmomspodcast.

Awesome, everybody, be sure to go over and follow Heather and then Britney is over there too. She’s awesome. And thank you so much for coming on the show today. It’s been a great time.

Of course. Thank you so much for having me.