All Your Questions Answered By Our Life Coaches [episode 119]

119) Expert Panel: All Of Your Questions Answered By Our Life Coaches

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Kelsey: You are listening to episode 119 on a wife, teacher, mommy, the podcast. Our expert panel with all of your questions answered by our life coaches, you are in for such a treat today, you were going to meet four of my favorite life coaches. Ever. And we are answering all of your questions and you’re going to get so many incredible tips.

 

*So many little tips and tidbits that you didn’t even know you needed. But you’re going to just walk away feeling inspired. So don’t go anywhere*

 

someone’s gotta take care of you. It’s the time or resources you lack. Teacher Mommy, they have got your back. It’s the Gala Teacher Mom. They’ll bridge the Gala Teacher Mommy. Between your life and class, [00:01:00] you and your family. They’ll bridge the Gala Teacher Mommy. They’ll bridge the Gala Teacher Moms to me.

 

Welcome to Wife Teacher Mommy, the podcast. I’m Kelsey Sorenson, former elementary teacher and current homeschool mom. And even though I’ve been a resource creator since 2014, I’ve realized that printables alone aren’t all you need in order to thrive as a teacher or homeschool parent. That’s why I also created this show and got started.

 

Certified as a life coach to help you finally kick burnout to the curb and feel confident with whatever challenges come your way with the right mindset strategies and new teaching inspiration. You’re going to be well on your way to your best teacher life. Now let’s go.

 

Kelsey: Welcome to our expert panel on wife, teacher, mommy, the podcast. So I’m so excited to [00:02:00] be back recording regular episodes for wife, teacher, mommy, the podcast last month, our entire month. Was our self-love challenge, which was amazing and incredible. And I loved connecting with so many of you.

 

Now, if you didn’t do the challenge, I really, really recommend going back and listening to it. You can start it anytime. Time. Now the best part of the challenge for me has been seeing how much it has helped. So many of you went on our live recording. Many of you were telling me just how much this challenge helped you in the Facebook group.

 

We had a discussion thread about each one, which you can still participate in. And I want to read one review that came in on the podcast during the challenge. So this one says positive and engaging. I always want to do better. I be better after listening to a podcast episode, I am not the best as journaling by putting an honest effort during the self love challenge.

 

And I am learning a lot about myself. And that was from K D grip on apple podcasts. And I know that you can learn so much about [00:03:00] yourself when you participate in that challenge too. So if you didn’t do that yet, Would love you to go back and listen to it.

 

Kelsey-3: And you can still opt in at wife, teach mommy.com/ self-love challenge and get the score card. And if you submit it to us, we will still get you a prize and you can even still get bonus points for leaving a review. On wife, teacher, mommy, the podcast. So if you want to leave her a review, just like the one I read, I would really appreciate it.

 

It helps podcasters a whole lot.

 

Kelsey: I’m not going to talk about any more right now though, because I do want to get into our episode today, which is our expert panel with some incredible life coaches who I cannot wait to introduce you to. This recording came from our winter educate and rejuvenate event.

 

The reason that I’m sharing part of it with all of you today is because I am finishing up my manuscript right now. My due date is February 29th leap day. I’m recording this on February 23rd, and I want to make sure that the episode of, for the first one in March is ready for my editor. And that [00:04:00] you get something new.

 

I didn’t want to just do another replay. I wanted you to have new content.

 

But also I needed to keep my brain space right now for the book. And I have a lot of new episodes planned for after I get my manuscript turned in. But for now I’m recording just this little intro and then giving you about half. Like literally, we talked for almost two hours, this expert panel, and that was too long for the podcast.

 

So I took about the first half a little bit less than half, and I’m sharing it with you today. And you were going to learn so much from hearing the questions that came in. These are all real questions from our community. They submitted questions to our life coaches, and then we answered in real time. And I hosted the panel.

 

So I actually let the other amazing coaches kind of shine and shared their answers to each question. I was the interviewer. And then I would pick which coach I felt was the most appropriate for each question. And you were going to learn just so much, you’re going to get all these golden nuggets. And this episode is really the opposite of the self love challenge, because those were like, oh, you get this little [00:05:00] 10 minute clip that you learn a lot from like condense down.

 

But this is like meaty and juicy and there’s just so much inspiration. So I really recommend listening to the whole thing. Even if you have to take it in little chunks, there’s so much goodness here.

 

Kelsey-4: One other quick reminder I want to give you is we have started putting these podcast episodes on YouTube as well. Now probably like 99% of our listeners are listening on a podcast player like apple or Spotify. But if you want to, for this one, especially where you can see all the coaches, beautiful faces, you can tell, who’s talking a little bit better and kind of get more of that personalized feel by watching.

 

You can go to our YouTube channel and watch the video as well. And we will link to that in the show notes, if you’re listening on apple or Spotify. So you can also choose to watch on YouTube.

 

So you can also choose to watch the video and see these beautiful coaches, what they have to share as well.

 

, but either way you can also just listen here on the podcast. If you’re on the go doing things, doing [00:06:00] whatever, but this is just one, especially where the YouTube might be even more beneficial because it’s not just me talking and there’s a panel of five of us talking. So it can be a little easier to tell who’s talking when you’re watching.

 

Kelsey-5: okay.

 

But enough of me talking and introducing this amazing panel, let’s get to it.

 

 

 

1138518-137685178412127329: Okay, this is like the best group here. Like these are amazing coaches. All these people here have been hand-selected by me because I love them. Um, so the way this panel is going to work, um, I’m really going to let these other ladies kind of take the show.

 

I am like the host, so I will be like asking the questions. And we have a Google Doc here. Um, we emailed out and posted for pre-submitted questions. So we are starting with those. Um, each question will be answered by one coach, so we can get through as many as possible. And I have in the Google Doc for the coaches here who’s going to answer each one.

 

So you can kind of [00:07:00] be preparing and then Kenzie on team wife, teacher Mommy is going to be watching the chat. So those of you who are here live, if you’re like, oh no, I didn’t pre-submit my question or I have a question, um, questions might even come up as we go. Um, we’re going to try to get through as many questions as we can.

 

We’re gonna try to be as snappy as we can with our answers while still giving quality answers obviously. But Kenzie is gonna be adding the new questions into the Google Doc at the end as well. So we’ll get to those. And if you have a specific coach, like let’s say somebody’s answering a question and you wanna have like a follow up question or something, uh, or you’re just like, oh, I want this coach to answer me because of whatever, maybe what their niche is or whatever.

 

You can put that. If not, we will just, you know, we’ll decide who answers it. It is just gonna be a lot of fun because they think. Um, any of these coaches could, are very Okay, but let’s start, let’s start with introductions really quick.

 

Like I’m talking like 32nd quick intro. And then at the end you’ll also be able to give a little like, Hey, this is [00:08:00] where, um, where you can follow me or whatnot at the end again as well. So, um, we’re gonna go, I don’t know if we all see the same screen perfect. Well, Chrissy, you’re up. Okay. I’m up. Hello everyone and I’m so thrilled to be with my community of coaches and I’m so thrilled to be with all of you. So, um, my name is Chrissy Nichols. I’m a life coach for teachers, for educators.

 

I also work with a lot of time management, so executive function for learners in all size bodies. Um, but I came to this work, um, because I, just like you have been a teacher for over 20 years, multiple decades, uh, teaching everything from second grade to college students. My language or my area of content was French English history.

 

And I’ve taught in both. Private and public schools all over the world. And um, I’m now based in Utah where [00:09:00] Kelsey is as well. Um, Kelsey and I went through the same school, um, as many of us here, probably Lifecoat School. Yeah, of course. With, uh, Brooke. Castillo. And, um, just, I came to coaching because my story is pretty, um, known to a lot of you, but I was just really burnt out.

 

I was in a space in my life when I just needed something and I knew that my thoughts were filled with a lot of victims or victim thoughts, like the, it was the parents or it was the admin, or it was sometimes even my students and a friend had me go to coaching. It was the first time I’d ever heard of it years ago.

 

And the end result of that decision, and thus becoming a life coach for educators, has been huge. It means, um, I get to come monthly and more often than not sometimes to coach in this incredible community. [00:10:00] And I meant the love of my life, lost twenty-six pounds, and really have just completely up-leveled and changed my life.

 

So now my practice is called the Chrissy concept. And, um, that is my love and my passion is helping educators and touching just one life. Um, you know, one classroom at a time, one teacher at a time, so that the ripple effect goes out into the world of education. So that is me. I love it. Chrissy. Okay.

 

Francine. Hi, I’m Francine Estes. I’m originally from Brazil, so that’s where the accent comes from. My first language is Portuguese. I speak Portuguese, Spanish and English. Um, I got married in Brazil and came to United States a few years. I am a foster mama. I adopted all three of my children from foster care system.

 

I adopted three children with different special needs, [00:11:00] um, all my children uniquely and, um, spirited. I have all kinds in my house. And that’s how I got introduced actually, to coaching. I was overwhelmed. I waited many years to be a mama. Um, and I was so happy, but I, it was being hard for me to find, um, joy in my everyday life.

 

And, um, coaching completely changed everything for me. I lost weight. I was happy again. I could find joy in all the things I didn’t change. My kids’ behavior didn’t change. I just could see things in a different way and I could manage my feelings in all the things. So that’s what I do. I coach mamas and foster moms, um, that have kids with challenging behaviors, but I don’t just cheat.

 

I just, my coaching is not on accounting. It’s in all the things. I just [00:12:00] help mamas feel better so they can help their children thrive. And who here ever deals with kids who are challenging or have special needs? I think everybody can raise their hands. Thank you for having me. Thank you for having me.

 

Okay, cam, you are up. Oh my turn. Yes. My name is Kamie Bisson and I’m a life coach for moms with young kids with the emphasis on wellness and weight loss. And I’ve met Kelsey through, um, I guess it sounds like all of us went through the same school, stalked her on Instagram. I’m one who sent her a message and I’ve loved her ever since.

 

So I’m so excited to be here. Um, and then let’s see, what else did you wanna hear from us? And then I’m over on the west coast. I have four kids. I’m also a homeschool mom, so I’m really excited to be here. Kamie, I don’t think I even realized you were homeschooling. [00:13:00] Yes. That’s amazing. Yes. Is that new or did I just not know?

 

I think maybe you mixed me and Bonnie up, but yeah, I’ve been doing it for a couple years now and it’s, uh, it’s interesting. It’s interesting.

 

Yes. I forgot about you stalking. You did stalk it. And I saw Chrissy stalking among this group. Apparently,

 

yes. Okay. Bonnie, you’re, you’re last, I guess. Okay.

 

Okay. I’m Bonnie Whiskum heads up. I have both construction and like 15 children in my house right now, so I’m gonna keep myself on mute when I’m not talking. Um, I am a mom to 10 kids. We’ve homeschooled since the beginning ’cause we’re crazy, but we love it. Um, and I’ve, I’ve gotten into home or life coaching a couple of years ago to same, same story, changed my life.

 

I lost weight, I got happier. My relationship’s improved. I learned about boundaries. So many things. So of [00:14:00] course I had to become a certified life coach. And, uh, I was a blogger and a podcaster for many years. Um, and just love helping moms find more joy. So now I specifically help moms who wanna start businesses, um, launch their businesses and, and learn more about that and find joy through that, while balancing the mom aspect.

 

But, uh, yeah, coaching has, has really changed everything. And I love coaching others because when you see that spark, right, like when people light up, like, oh, I can let go of that story. Oh, I can let go of that expectation. It’s, it’s the most wonderful thing. It’s so inspiring. I love it. So I’m so glad to be here and I love cooking at the club.

 

Kay. I love your comment. So lose weight. Need to be a coach. Sign me up.

 

I love it. Bonnie, you’re awesome. I love all of you. Thank you for being here. Okay, so we are going to jump into our panels. So we have these pre-submitted questions. Remember, if you have your own questions, pop them in the chat and Kinsey will add them in in the order. They come in the chat, and we’re just [00:15:00] going right on through them.

 

Okay? So we are starting with how do I find my happiness from within? And I put Chrissy on that one. Perfect. Yes, thank you. Um, this is a wonderful question, especially with among my educator clients. We all know that, um, there are these beats to the year, right as we surf through the school calendar, even for my homeschool moms, um, amidst my incredible coaches, um, I feel so lucky to be, but the happiness that we can feel is really dependent.

 

And you are gonna know exactly what my, um, answer is here, gang out there in teacher world. It absolutely comes from within. It absolutely comes from our thoughts. And the question here is how, and I’ve been thinking about this question since it was submitted. I think my biggest way in, right, because with these beats in the year we’re recovering, I hope you’re all out there in teacher land, taking rest, [00:16:00] taking time, taking moments for yourself.

 

But in these soft spaces of gathering yourself, I want you to get really, really conscious of your wins. For me, that is the best way into inner happiness. I look at what’s going right, and even if it seems subtle, nuanced, small, ask yourself these questions. What is really going well? Even in my morning, my afternoon, my evening, we can all point to one thing.

 

I got my clothes on. My earrings look great. My glasses are helping me see better. I found them. Um, I was able to walk the dog. Whatever you feel like it doesn’t have to be doing, doing, doing could also be a beautiful state of being. Right now I’m sitting in my chair, I take a nourishing breath in, I feel calm.

 

Start there. And then another way in, for [00:17:00] me, this is just a personal sharing of my own tools, is gratitude. I think often I, I forget this practice, which is also part of my meditation practice. Um, and we can find in all different traditions. I like to do a Buddhist meditation practice. And so gratitude is really, you can even start within your own body.

 

So the how from within is starting with right now my lungs are filling with air. Right now I am thinking thoughts that I’m able to speak out to you. You know, right now I have a beautiful community and collective of educators with me in this moment. So the more I think you can identify what’s going well, then you can start seeing the momentum of more that’s going well and be on the lookout.

 

At the end of the night before my bedtime ritual, I try to point to five things that I really appreciate from my day. It could be, it inspired me, I appreciate it. [00:18:00] I saw a beautiful pose from someone, I got a text from a friend. And then what I do is I find myself just throughout my day naturally just looking for those five beautiful things.

 

Oh, when I got to go skiing, I saw a really cool bird, you know, come across my path or the sky or, um, a great pickleball shot that I made. ’cause I’m just addicted. So whatever it is for you, that happiness, momentum, we’ll start with. Look for what you appreciate, what inspires you, what you’re grateful for, and number two, what’s already going well in your life?

 

Love that Chrissy. Thank you. Okay, next question. How to not be a people pleaser. How to work on yourself. Bonnie. Oh, I love this one because I am a self-proclaimed people pleaser. And it is a big struggle for a lot of women. But the, the question I want you to [00:19:00] ask yourself is why do you want to please other people?

 

Um, it’s generally not for the other people, it’s for us, right? We want to feel love, we want to feel acceptance. That’s all anybody ever wants. They want to know that they belong and they wanna know that they are worthy of love. Um, and guess what? Good news is? We don’t have to get those from outside of ourselves.

 

In fact, we can’t get them from outside of ourselves. We think we can because we’re, we’re, uh, we see modeled around us. Like someone says something mean to me and I’m sad, or somebody, you know, bullies me and I’m mad, right? That’s just our natural response to things because we haven’t been taught yet how to mo manage our own minds and our own feelings.

 

So the great news is we get to get it. We have to get that love and acceptance within ourselves. Others don’t have to validate us for us to feel love and acceptance. And once we fully understand this, we can just break free from all the people pleasing because it’s okay if somebody doesn’t like us. It doesn’t mean anything about us.

 

It’s such a powerful feeling. And spoiler alert, it’s gonna be something we’re gonna work on for the rest of our lives. It’s not like you’re gonna just click your finger, you know? That’s just [00:20:00] humanity. Um, but one thing I will say about learning to love yourself is ask yourself how you can be your own best friend.

 

How can be you? Be your own big sister, your own mentor, your own support system. It doesn’t mean you have to love your own. Yeah, your own coach. It doesn’t mean you have to love everything about yourself. You can still know I’m great at this. I’m terrible at this. This is a pro, this is a con about me, but I can love me anyway.

 

I can see all my faults and acknowledge them. And then when somebody else criticizes me, it doesn’t matter. ’cause I’m like, yep, that’s one of my weaknesses. I love me anyway. So powerful. Try it. I love that. I love that. Bonnie. Such a good tip to try and Yeah, and I think it really is, like you said, something we’ll continue working on and that is okay.

 

Like we’ll just notice it and now we know we know what to look for and we know what it means when we’re doing that and how to redirect. So that’s perfect. Okay, next question is for Cami. How to take care of myself first. Basically put my mask on first so you can help the others around you and not go crazy.

 

Hmm. [00:21:00] Good question. And I love that you said the person who asked this, I love that you said put your mask on ’cause Yeah, that you really do. You have to take care of yourself first before you can take care of anyone else. Moms, you gotta fill your cups up first before you can take care of the kids.

 

Teachers, those students, they don’t wanna a burnt out, angry, overwhelmed teacher. They want someone who comes in, in alignment who is balanced. So yes, it is non-negotiable to take care of yourself first. And it doesn’t even have to be, it doesn’t have to be anything all day, anything crazy, like a month long vacation.

 

It could be 10 minutes of journaling, getting your favorite coffee, calling a friend, going on a 10 minute walk. Like what can you do to just bring a little bit of peace in your day and even ask yourself that. Like if you find yourself getting that overwhelmed feeling like what? What do you need right to yourself?

 

What do you need right now? Like how can I make you feel loved? What’s going on with you? [00:22:00] And then just go inside internally and listen and then just take care of yourself like you would’ve looked like you’re a little kid. Like what do you need right now, honey? What’s going on? Like, just be kind to yourself and know that you matter and you must take care of yourself first.

 

I love that. Thank you Cami. Okay, the next question for Francine, and we’re just, y’all we’re just going through these questions. So how to have positive self-talk. That is the question. Yay. I love that question because I think we all struggle with that some somewhat, and I think it’s because of what society somewhat taught us, that if we criticize ourselves hard enough, if we shame ourselves, it almost that we use self-criticism as a motivator to improve and to get better.

 

And is, it does exactly the opposite, right? Um, we will change when [00:23:00] we learn how to self-love. And so, so how do we do that? I think it’s that mindset shift of reminding ourselves, being hard on myself is not gonna help me change. This is gonna make it harder. It is like, you know, so when we, but we are, we’re really good as a mom knowing that we yell at our kids, even though we do sometimes lose their cool and all that, but we know that we’re not motivating them.

 

We’re not helping them, but we do that to ourselves, right? We just like, oh, why did you do that again? You’re so dumb. How many times can you, like, we’re just so mean and we think doing that we’re gonna get better. So I think the first step is just to get in touch with that emotional pain that you causing yourself and be empathetic and find compassion, and then you reframe it.

 

How can you talk to yourself in a, in a way that is going [00:24:00] to motivate you, that’s going to help you, that’s gonna show compassion towards you. And that’s what I like to do is say, love what’s going on. What’s, what’s the matter like? I like to see, I like to look. What I teach to my clients is behind the behave, the behavior.

 

There’s your secondary emotion, your primary emotion and your unmet need. Go right in there. What is your unmet need right now? Did you sleep last night? Mm-Hmm. How long have you been gone? Like with not one good night’s sleep. Are you eating? We sometimes go many hours. I remember when I was a teacher in the classroom, I’m just like, oh, I haven’t eaten for like nine, 10 hours now.

 

I was like, oh, that’s reason my little, you know, hangry. Um, so I think it just really starts with that mindset shift. This is not helping me. And then go into just having that compassion [00:25:00] and then practice every day. Look yourself in the mirror like it does. You don’t have to. Okay, I need to reserve 15 minutes of my day now.

 

Why are you brushing your teeth? Why are you getting yourself ready? Look yourself in the mirror and just like, I love you. I’m here for you no matter what. Good job getting up today. Even though you didn’t sleep really well last night. Good job practicing that self-love and not, and not being too harsh though, even though when you aren’t mean to yourself.

 

Just like, oh, I get it. Why I’m scared because I’m still thinking this is helpful, but it’s not. And I think just realizing that too, just like why I cannot keep being mean to myself. That’s not helpful either. It’s just like meeting that emotional pain and then refraining it. Oh, so many good truth bombs there, Francine.

 

I love it. Okay, our next question is one I want all of us to answer, including myself. So the next one is we’re all going to give one of our book recommendation. Um, and so I will [00:26:00] start, I actually have my books right here and I know exactly which one I’m going to grab. And it is this beauty. Who here knows this one?

 

I might have stolen some of yours. So, Renee Brown, Atlas of the Heart. I feel like if you are into coaching, you need this book because it goes through, um, I mean not every emotion, but like all like, I think it’s eighty-nine different feelings that we have and it’s a beautiful, like I would recommend, like I love my Kindle, but this is one that I would get in print because it has like these beautiful illustrations, like big quotes in it and it’s really like, you can read it, I got it on audio, so I like listened through the whole thing, but I now use this as a reference when I want to refer to like how I’m feeling like, and it has some in different categories, like um, places we go when things are uncertain or too much or places we go when we compare.

 

So it’s a great reference guide to kind of explain why and how we’re feeling and feelings that relate [00:27:00] to each other, but the nuances and the differences between them. So I would highly recommend Atlas of the Heart by Brene Brown. Okay. And Chrissy, we can just have you go next. Sure. One. Yeah, I had mine right beside my desk.

 

I’m a big reader so I’m gonna go through them really quickly. I’m a huge fan of Neuroscientist Dr. Joan Dispenza and becoming Supernatural is just one of my go-tos for manifesting what you want for taking this work that you’re all already doing. So you’re already ready already to the next level. But there are just some really cool graphics of the brain, kind of what’s happening when you are thinking a new thought.

 

A lot of my clients and students ask like, well, how do I really. Get a new thought in there that I’m trying to believe that I’m trying to create in 2024. And becoming Supernatural gives you a lot of tips [00:28:00] about theta waves. If you like to nerd, nerd out on brain chemistry, I highly recommend this. Now for a more science.

 

You take Think again by Adam Grant. He is amazing and he is a New York Times bestseller. He really talks about, um, how we don’t have to believe everything we think and internalize everything we feel. So again, this is a great one to listen to. I do a lot of audible. I I like to highlight and get in there and, you know, Mm-Hmm.

 

Read a lot, but that’s fun. And then, um, just on the Woo-woo spectrum, or it’s about you out there. I know Kelsey, I got you. I had you at Woo. But, um, health, I got this back even in the late nineties. This is a woman, it’s by Francesca McCartney. She has a PhD, but she talks, um, a lot about grounding, using earth energy, having a meditation sanctuary, even [00:29:00] when you feel just kind of off.

 

I mean, Francine kind of went into that when we’re feeling a little off kilter when we haven’t had any water. Speaking of when we haven’t, um, had any practices to really ground ourselves to the pulse of the Earth, like how practices like spending time in nature, even yoga, anything that links us to the pulse of the planet can really help us reconnect with ourselves.

 

So who, who was the author of that one? Yeah. Body Help By Who was author of that one? Francesca McCartney. That’s M-C-C-A-R-T-N-E-y. And she’s outta San Francisco, outta Marin County. She’s wonderful. And of course they all have websites. Um. And Kelsey knows this. No one’s asking us to like, uh, Joe Dispenza doesn’t ask him to plug his books.

 

I just need, no, we just love these books. Yeah, exactly. Exactly. Can I share a quick tip though? One thing you said that reminded me, you were talking about [00:30:00] audio but also liking to highlight a new thing that I love is, so I got a Kindle recently for Mother’s Day. I love it. But when you have a Kindle and you can add on the audio and sometimes it’s not even that much more than like using an audible credit and it’ll go back and forth between the two.

 

And then I’ll listen and then I’ll just have my phone nearby for if I wanna highlight a part and highlight it on the Kindle. It’s my new favorite thing, like it’s so good. So I like do both and then I can like refer back. It’s amazing. Kinsey in the chat, Kinsey team, wife, teacher, Mommy. As we go through these books, let’s make sure we know all of them and add them to our coaching book list on Amazon and then we can get that to everybody.

 

So I’ll add those ones that Chrissy mentioned. And I, um, I knew the first two, but I did not know the third one that you shared, so I’m glad you did Chrissy. Hey, yeah, I’ll go ahead and put them in the, I put them in the chat for everybody. Okay. I have a million, but I’m not gonna share a million. I’m just gonna share two and one.

 

[00:31:00] I’m gonna try to go quick as I can ’cause I know we want to go through the questions. So self-compassion is just go through what I just talked about it. We, this is, has lots of exercises that you can do. So practical and I love Kristin Aff. She is amazing. Um, so that’s a very good one for you to start.

 

Those that are struggling with the inner voice and people pleasing, it’s just all start with that, um, self-love and learning. So she gets really, really practical exercises that I do and my clients do. Um, and then, and one of, I have many parenting books that I love, but one of my favorites is brain body parenting.

 

Um, this has become quickly one of my favorites and it just talks about how, um, there’s a connection right between, it’s a body and a brain. Sometimes when we are not regulated, our prefrontal [00:32:00] cortex shuts down. There’s not a whole lot of thinking going on and we’re trying to teach your kids something right now, and they are gone.

 

Like, ’cause they can’t think, number one, their prefrontal cortex is not even the plan. The thinking part of the brain’s not even total completely developed, but especially when they’re mad and they dysregulated. Really it’s not working. So it teaches how to go through the body and, and help her children.

 

And it’s a completely different way of parenting. And um, I love to combine that with my other parenting techniques. So this is a very, very good one. So those are my two books that besides combine with the other ones mentioned because, except for one of Chrissy’s, I actually am familiar with all the rest of them.

 

So thank you for all your amazing books. Francine I was just gonna say thank you so much for highlighting the work of Kristin Neff. She’s one of my OGs. In fact, I would leave that [00:33:00] into the answer of my first question, how to feel happier from the inside, just. YouTube, anything by Kristin. Nash. Really? I love it.

 

Oh, so exciting. Okay. Cami, you’re up next. I’m an underachiever ’cause I don’t have ’em with me. Uh, you girls have ’em right by you. That’s awesome. Um, I have, I think my two favorite ones right now are about, I guess, habits, like forming good habits. Um, one is the Compound Effect by Darren Hardy. Um, I really like that one.

 

And it, I feel like that everybody needs to read it. And then the other one is, um, Atomic Habits by James Clear. That might already be on your list. Maybe that one. I feel like everyone needs that one too. Like no matter your profession, anything like it just, it’s life changing. Definitely get it.

 

Okay. And if each of the coaches, if you can put the titles and authors in the chat and we’ll [00:34:00] grab ’em all. Sure. And put them in our Amazon shop for future reference as well. Amazing. Okay. And then Bonnie, you’ve been so patient, Bonnie. Um, yes. Okay. So my favorite self-help book that I read this year was The Gap in the Gain.

 

Obsessed with it. It’s by Dan Sultan and Benjamin Hardy. Essentially, they just talked to us about how we spend most of our life looking back or looking forwards to all the things that we haven’t reached yet. I’m not, I don’t have this much money yet. I’m not this human yet. I’m not this patient yet. I’m not this whatever.

 

When we should be looking backwards at how far we’ve come. That’s the, that’s it. That’s all he talks about in the book is to look backwards at how far you’ve come instead of looking forward. And it was a complete game changer for me, especially along with coaching helped so, so, so much. That one was huge.

 

I also really, really love Just Finished All It Takes As a Goal by John Acuff. That is a perfect January book for um, resolutions. I love his podcast too. All it takes [00:35:00] is a goal. Anyway, that’s phenomenal. Phenomenal. We’ll really help you break down your goals and make sure that you accomplish them this year.

 

Amazing. Those are both so good. I’m like, oh, I should have done multiple books. I’m just kidding. We got so many good, so many good books here. I love it. And I’m obsessed with the Gap in the game too. That’s my whole own Your teacher wins session. I did in the past was based on, ’cause that one just blew my mind too.

 

So good. Okay. And as you can tell, I bet all of us could talk books all day long. So if you ever have questions about books, my TeachMommyClub Facebook group or ask us the end of a coaching call about a book on anything, and we’ll be happy to give you recommendations. Um, okay. Next question. Let’s see, where are we at?

 

Okay, Chrissy. Um, I’m a special education teacher. I get stressed and sometimes have anxiety about the paperwork and tend to procrastinate. This is my second year teaching sped. Oh, okay. That was, oh wait, that’s two different questions. That’s okay. [00:36:00] I, I can, would be great. I dunno if that goes along with it anyway.

 

Maybe just talk about all that. No, that’s beautiful. So, um, yeah, I just to, to restate. So it’s a time management question which we all need. So even if you are not, um, a special education teacher, just put your own, I mean, even if you’re a human adult, mammal, biped, walking around in the world, this answer is for you.

 

But the one before it was, I get stressed and some sometimes have anxiety around paperwork. Listen, I have dear friends, um, in my life who get anxiety. They are physicians and they get anxiety about keeping up with their physician notes. Um, I have attorneys in my life and they have anxiety about keeping up with their paperwork.

 

I don’t know about you, but sometimes I am guilty of taking the mail and putting it off to the side and having my husband, um, either open it or say hello, deal with this. [00:37:00] So I just want you to remember, as a sped teacher, as any teacher on the planet, as any human, it is normal to not wanna do some of the things that we don’t want to do.

 

Um, and what I like to do in these situations when I have paperwork I have to do, or, um, the more business side of things that I don’t love to do, grading falls into that category. Um, sometimes any kind of, you know, sort of monetary things, I just want, you know, to coach. That’s all I ever wanna do. I don’t wanna invoice, I don’t wanna do, as Kelsey knows, I don’t wanna do all my bureaucratic things and yet I just stop and I ask myself what emotion.

 

Can I use as fuel to get this done? We all know that Dirty Fuel, and I love Bonnie kind of talked about this, um, comes from [00:38:00] like, um, being hard on ourselves or maybe beating ourselves up about something else. Francine, you touched on this too. All of us have, but really when we want to get something done for us and have our own backs and keep our word to ourselves, this is where the gap in the gain comes from.

 

We wanna ask ourselves what fuel, what powerful fuel can I use right now? How am I gonna high five my future self in half an hour of taking care of this piece of paperwork, paying this bill? And I will share my top tips for, um, creating clean fuel for myself. Determination. There’s a wonderful podcast on determination that our teacher, Brooke Castillo put out there recently in the Life Crit School podcast.

 

I love that one. Yeah, I would too. Yeah. And I’m gonna find it and put it in our chat for our listeners here. Um, so determination is another good one. But also, um, this might sound funny to some people, but [00:39:00] pride, I really wanna be proud of myself. At the end of the day. This gets back to pleasing myself first in the long term, right?

 

That sort of self-gratification that’s delayed, that being proud of myself now doing the hard thing now. And what I would just say to the person that asked this question, as a SPED teacher, I know they’re, I mean, for me, my SPED teachers walk on water. They are the angels of, um, my community, my education department, anybody who works with, um, you know, non-typical neural, anybody.

 

I put my, in that category with my ADHD that I have. And I just wanna say there is a lot that comes with your job. So acceptance already, not putting so much pressure on yourself, but coming from this space of determination, pride, how am I gonna get this done? [00:40:00] Now, I’m a big believer in setting timers. I love using the Pomodoro timer method where I will just set, um, that if you’re not familiar with that, it’s just, um, it’s a method that began in the eighties as an Italian lawyer who’s now a time specialist.

 

Set his mother’s, um, Pomodoro kitchen timer is just a tomato Pomodoro in the form of a tomato. He set it to twenty-five minutes. He got as much as he could get done in twenty-five minutes, then he would take a break. So this timing of twenty-five minutes has been backed up by research and science that says, block out all distractions.

 

Just go in for twenty-five minutes. We like to think in chunks. And if you can see the gain in the fact that you are doing twenty-five minutes to help that gap, I sometimes, when I don’t wanna pick up a room, I will do, I call it my seven minutes of cleaning wild insanity. Put on some Taylor Swift, I’ll put on some hip [00:41:00] hop.

 

We’ll try called Quest. Goes a long way for me. I’m a hip hop queen, and I will just seven minutes get it done. So decide your fuel. If you have a thought that goes with that emotional fuel, like I wanna be proud of myself in twenty-six minutes, attack it. And then really, really congratulate yourself.

 

Complete that cycle with a reward. Maybe it’s, I’m gonna get up, walk around, check out the horizon, maybe do some tapping, get outta your body in some way. So I hope those tips have helped. Love that Chrissy. So, so many golden nuggets there. Thank you. Thank you. Okay, next question. I’m gonna just like be going right to the next one to try to make sure that we get through as many as we can and any that we don’t get through, maybe we’ll put ’em in the Facebook group or we’ll put ’em in the Ask a Coach so everybody can read the answers later.

 

That might be a good way to do it as well. And, and we’ll share, ask a coach when we do the [00:42:00] tour after this panel too. Okay, next question is for Bonnie, how do I set boundaries with your husband? Wait, I, how do I set boundaries with my husband? I’m assuming, um, I won’t make kids to see how to have healthy boundaries within the family.

 

Yeah, we recently talked a lot about boundaries on a call in the club. Um, I love talking about them. Essentially what a boundary is, where one person ends and where another person begins. So sometimes in families it can be tricky to figure out, uh, where my boundary is, especially with a loved one. Um, and when it comes to teaching our kids, the best thing we can do is to just communicate, right?

 

So very often I will tell them, Hey guys, I am going to take a shower right now ’cause that’s what I need and I know you have more knees from me right now, but I’m gonna step away and go do this thing for me. So a lot of it is involved in self-care, um, with your husband, I would, I would probably need to know a little bit more details to know specifically about a husband, um, if there are ways that, that you feel like your boundaries are bringing crossed or vice versa.

 

So if you wanna bring that to a call in the club, that would be really helpful. But basically, again, just communicating, saying, Hey, I feel a little bit [00:43:00] steamrolled right now. I feel like maybe your needs are getting met more often than mine are. So I’m going to take some time to. Put up a boundary in that I need some alone time, or I need to go on a walk, or I need, uh, more self-care, or I need this, or I need that In the end, we like, I, I love to remind people we can’t control other people.

 

So a boundary is not, you must do this thing. It’s, I’m requiring this for my own self-care or my own, um, mental health. If you cross that boundaries, then I will do this thing. Right? Like, if you insist on banging on the bathroom when I’m going to the bathroom, I might need to leave the home for a while because you’re making me a little bit crazy.

 

I might need to get a babysitter and leave. I’m talking about kids. ’cause they, they love to cross boundaries. But maybe you could be something similar with your husband, Hey, I really need some decompressing time. When you come home from work, let’s just assume you’re a, a stay-at-home mom or something. Or when you come home from work, I need some time alone.

 

Um, if you can’t give me that, I’m, I’m gonna have to take a little bit longer to get home because I really need to just think after my workday, whatever that may be. Um, you’re just communicating to your family [00:44:00] members what you need and then coming up with a, a follow up through with what you will do. If they can’t do that.

 

And sometimes people think that’s harsh or whatever, but remember, no, it’s no one’s job to take care of us besides us. Like, no one’s gonna step in and be like, oh, mom needs a break. That just generally doesn’t happen. Right? Or teacher needs to go breathe so she doesn’t hurt somebody. It, it’s completely up to us and the those around us sat, uh, Suffer if we cannot maintain our boundaries.

 

So this is a great one to get one-on-one coaching with, I’d love if you brought more details to, to a call. It’d be great. Okay. This next one, I don’t have a name by it for some reason. Who wants to answer it? I find myself staying too late after school. I don’t know if I am enjoying the peace and quiet or don’t want to go home.

 

How do you find your own feelings? Hmm.

 

You look like you’re like about to answer it. I can totally answer that because you know what? I could have totally [00:45:00] jumped in the pool with you there. Um, so I could drive you there because, um, independent. So I don’t know if I’m enjoying the peace and quiet or don’t want to and or don’t want to go home.

 

And do you know what? It could be both. You don’t. It, it could be like, you know what, when I get home, it’s loud and the kid and, and that, and here is, it’s peaceful and quiet and I wanna do that. And so the question is how do IF how to find your own feelings. Okay, so how do I find out if it’s because I don’t wanna go home or because I enjoy it?

 

And again, um, I think it could be both by a combination because clearly what’s I would ask myself, why would I not want to go home? What is at home right now? What is happening? What happens when I get home? [00:46:00] What is out there? What makes me think? Because we know that it’s not the circumstances, it’s not the kids screaming or it’s not that you have to do dinner or you don’t have to do anything.

 

It’s not, it’s not that. It’s what are you thinking about that? What does that mean to you? Right? So I would be really clear, not with the circumstance itself, but what I, what the circumstances. It’s um, what is making you think, what are you thinking about it, what stories you’re creating in your mind about that.

 

And if you asking that, you probably, it’s coming from a guilty feeling. And if that’s coming from that place, I want to stop that right now. ’cause I feel like you’re just thinking either it’s probably a bad thing, none of it, it’s a bad thing. A feeling. It’s not a problem to be solved. It’s just pointing you, [00:47:00] it’s a communication, it’s communicating with you what is up.

 

Like when I go home, what is happening? What is that telling me? I don’t feel appreciated. Or do I like go in, like really go? I think we are just so afraid of the feeling. That’s maybe the reason why you’re not being able to access it because you are shaming and blaming and self-criticism. Just like there’s nothing wrong if you don’t wanna go home.

 

There’s nothing wrong with just like, go really in and be, let’s do, that’s the beauty of coaching because we, none of us here are judgmental. We hold a space for you to have it all. You can come to any of us and we are gonna hold the space. We are gonna hold the space for you to say, you know, I want to, I’m really mad at my husband because he’s not helping with any of it.

 

I was like, oh, tell me more. Let’s investigate more. We’re not gonna say, really, why are you doing that? So I, you are afraid of finding out. I think that [00:48:00] is the thing. It’s just like, so think about the circumstances that’s happening at home and at the school and what you thinking about that and drop the guilt and the shame.

 

Mm-Hmm. That, that would be my And if and if they wanna come and I, I bet any of us could coach them. And on on. So please bring absolutely the session too. We love coaching you. That is what we’re here for. We love coaching you when there’s a scheduled call. We love, if you’re like, I can’t wait for a call, go to ask a coach.

 

We’ll be excited to coach you in that way too. Um, we we’re always here for you and that was an amazing answer, Francine. Love it. Okay. Um, the next question is for Cammie. How to find your motivation to get things done, like meal plan, cook and exercise. I thought this was a perfect one for you. Oh, I love that.

 

And I love that she said I, I think it was a, she maybe not here, she said find, because I think we’re all [00:49:00] guilty of, we need to find the motivation, but that just never happens. We think it’s laying there on the ground. We’re gonna find it. Oh, there’s my motivation. I’m looking for you though. But unfortunately that doesn’t happen.

 

Um, it’s like that quote, motivation is like bathing. It doesn’t last. So that’s why we recommend you do it daily. We just have to revisit the why of like, why do we wanna do that? Like, why do we want a meal prep? ’cause we don’t have to. We’re adults. Why do we even wanna work out? We totally don’t have to do that either.

 

It’s totally optional. And just remembering like, why are we doing it and do we actually believe we can hit that goal? ’cause a lot of times if we aren’t taking the actions, it’s because there’s a part of us where we don’t think we’re gonna achieve that goal. So if I were to tell you like, um, if you do A, B, and C for 90 days, you are guaranteed your dream body for the rest of your life, would you do it?

 

And I think most people would be like, heck yeah, yeah, I’ll do that. I’ll sign up for that. Because you’re, [00:50:00] you know that you’re gonna get the goal that you’re looking out for. And um, and a lot of times too, we have motivation and we have it backwards. Like we gotta take action first and then the motivation comes.

 

We always are like waiting for the motivation first. Um, so even like if you commit to three weeks of working out and you’re not gonna check the scale, you’re not going to like obsess over if you look different, you just commit to working out and following your meal plan, and then three weeks go by and you’re like, oh, I feel great.

 

I have more energy. I notice a bicep line, like I’ve down six pounds. Then all of a sudden it’s so much easier to continue because we got that little that hit, we got that, and then we’re able to take action and the motivation just keeps coming. And then it just keeps, it’s like a circle more action. Then you get the results and then more motivation comes.

 

It’s like a little circle that keeps going. So I think it’s just remembering our why. And also, um, thinking [00:51:00] of, I don’t know if you know who Mel Robbins is, but she’s famous for doing the 3, 2, 1 method. Like when you’re in bed and it’s cold out and you told yourself you’re gonna get up and, and run, just remember why you wanna do it.

 

And 3, 2, 1, go get up and go. Just don’t overthink it. I love that, Cameron. I love that you start with like the finding, like we’re not gonna just find it. We have to create that motivation. But as Bonnie just shared in the chat, favorite quote about motivation is, motivation is earned. We get it through taking action.

 

So it’s like that momentum that we’re building as we do that, and as you mentioned, as we believe that we can get ignoring you. Um, okay. The next question, um, I have Grant, Sweeney listed here. How do you deal with behavior issues in the classroom?

 

question. I love that question so much. So, um, actually starting January we are gonna be teaching some mini lessons and I’m gonna go through. Everything that I’m gonna try to present in [00:52:00] this answer, but I’m gonna go through in details in my next three mini lessons, um, that I’m gonna be teaching.

 

So I’m gonna just try to go as best as I can, which is kind of hard, but I will just give you like five little steps that I believe that it’s really important. And I think the first one, and I think that’s the one that most of us skip, which is self-awareness. Pay attention to where you are, ground yourself.

 

So when you see the behavior, when the behavior is happening, what’s triggering you, where, what’s coming up for you, right? Like right at the moment. ’cause, and then there is, you can, um, come up from a reaction place, right? That’s not where we wanna come. Or you can come from a more confident place. So the first thing that I love to teach in my [00:53:00] moms and teachers and whoever I am coaching, is teaching them how to have what I call a survival mode plan.

 

Because let me tell you, there are some behaviors that’s gonna put you right into survival mode. And it’s, and if you don’t have a plan, you are going to react. And that’s not, it’s not what you want to do. So you want to have a plan. So if you are in a flight or flight, you have a plan because you already knew that.

 

So-and-so usually does this, and this comes up for me. And on the background, when you come for me to coach you, you’re gonna go be very specific. What’s bringing up for you? Is that something that’s happening? Like, you know, we are gonna go really into the tech. So the first step is self-awareness, ground yourself, it’s grounding.

 

Um, and then number two is. Pay attention to what is be behind the [00:54:00] behavior, understanding the child, what is behind that behavior, right? Because we have, I lo I love to use, I think I mentioned previously is what, what I, I learned. Um, I’m taking some parenting classes with BYU-Idaho online. ’cause I just love learning new things.

 

So I’m always thinking new, no new classes. And I learned this, what we call it, what the professor called, um, the bull’s-eyes of need. So what we’re seeing is the behavior, but behind the behavior we had the secondary emotion that for these kids a lot is like anger, right? But behind that anger, there’s what is there?

 

Is that a fear? What’s happening for this child is a child that’s fearful is a child that’s feeling, um, what is happening there? Sadness. Is it pure sadness? Or, and then you go into the need, right? Is this child is feeling, um, no, the lack of autonomy, like those kids, this, they have [00:55:00] to feel like in control or they’re feeling complete outta control.

 

What’s happening at home? What’s happening in the classroom? This child’s being bullied or whatever. So first you ground yourself. Two, understand what’s happening behind the behavior. Three connection. Connect with that child connection before correction. Um, look that child in the eye mirror, their, their affection, their, what’s happening in their face.

 

Like are they sad? Are they angry? Are they, um, so just like mirrors, what I call it. Um. I think it’s called self-Psychology teaches a lot about the mirroring. So mirror that. Um, so the child feel like, understood you are not, you are not saying it’s okay for you to behave the way you’re behaving. That’s not what you’re doing at all.

 

’cause now it’s what you’re gonna address the behavior. But now the child is feeling like, oh, oh man, she got it. She under, she, okay, [00:56:00] she knows where I’m coming from. Uh, and now she’s the child’s. Maybe if the child’s not on fire fry, like if the child’s in that place, we gonna remove the child for a little bit, right?

 

We are gonna have to, depends the behavior here, right? We, there’s some behavior that you have to jump in, remove the child, make sure that somebody’s not getting hurt somebody. But there’s some behaviors that you have that place that you can connect. And then you have clear boundaries. Clear boundaries. Um, the child need to know that it’s structure, consistency.

 

Um, so that’s another one. And then, so that’s where we go. I go into, just give you all the tools I’m gonna give you, so you and the Child Connection tools and then support, collaboration, collaborate with the staff in your school. And I know sometimes not the best. I get it. This is a whole nother subject for us to go through here.

 

I get it. [00:57:00] Uh, had special ed children in my classroom, I, I get it. Um, but go connect with the parents. I know another place that a lot of those kids, they have behavior issues. Probably don’t have parents there present in their lives, but some of them they do. I have kids with autism and a DH adhd and I’m in it like, bring me in.

 

I wanna be like, help. Let me help you. Right? So, so those are the things. But I can go and I can use all the time here on You’re getting us excited for your workshops you’re doing. And so Francine will be teaching all about this and she’ll be do part one in January and then part two in February, part three we go too. So. Amazing.

 

Kelsey-1: Aren’t these coaches just amazing. I hope you got a tip or tidbit that is going to help you get through your week help you feel inspired. That is what I am here to do for you here at wipe [00:58:00] teacher, mommy and educate and rejuvenate.

 

Kelsey-6: Now I definitely recommend following all of these incredible coaches on their social platforms, email lists, podcasts, whatever else. So we will put their information in the show notes. So just go to the wife, teacher, mommy, show notes page on the website. And you’ll be able to find where you can connect with each of them.

 

Kelsey-1: If you love this panel, if you happen to be a member of wife, teacher, mommy club, then you also have access to the rest of the replay too.

 

So be sure to go and listen to that on the members only private podcast, or you can watch the video. In the member’s area as well.

 

And if you’re not a member and you would like to be coached by me and these other incredible coaches. To be able to join us on one to two calls live a week, or even if you don’t have time for that, you could pick one a month. You can listen on the private podcasts, get even more, go to wife, teacher, mommy.com/join to learn more about joining us in coaching in the side of the club.

 

Kelsey-2: That is it for today? [00:59:00] My friend, we’re back to once a week episodes, but I will be back next week with some new content for you.

 

Talk then.

 

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