Download our mobile app for podcast episodes, meditations, community, and more... right at your fingertips!

00Days
00Hours
00Mins
00Secs

Download our mobile app for podcast episodes, meditations, community, and more... right at your fingertips!

00Days
00Hours
00Mins
00Secs

Unlocking Accountability with Kids & Teens with Francini Estes [#159]

December 10, 2024

Click below to listen to episode 159, Unlocking Accountability with Kids & Teens with Francini Estes:

Listen on Apple Podcasts | Listen on Spotify | Watch on YouTube

Key themes from Unlocking Accountability with Kids & Teens with Francini Estes [#159]:

Accountability starts with emotional regulation.
Consistency from adults sets the tone for kids to follow.
Tools like contracts empower kids to take ownership of their actions.
Supporting kids through obstacles—without bailing them out—teaches resilience.

Helping Kids and Teens Take Responsibility: Unlocking Accountability with Francini

Do your kids promise to do something but fail to follow through?

You’re not alone. Accountability is a struggle for kids and teens, but it doesn’t have to stay that way. In this week’s Educate & Rejuvenate podcast episode, Francini, a life coach specializing in helping kids with special needs, shares why accountability is challenging for young minds and how you can guide them toward owning their actions. Whether you’re a parent or a teacher, her practical strategies—from fostering emotional regulation to creating contracts—offer actionable solutions to empower the next generation.

Let’s explore the insights from this inspiring episode and discover tools that you can start using today!

Why Accountability is Tough for Kids and Teens

The Developmental Challenges

Francini explains that a child’s prefrontal cortex—the part of the brain responsible for planning, focus, and organization—isn’t fully developed. This makes it harder for kids to follow through on long-term commitments or even manage daily tasks.

Additionally, kids often struggle to see the big picture, which can lead to a lack of motivation. They might start a new project or activity with enthusiasm, but as soon as it becomes challenging, their interest wanes. Sound familiar?

The Role of Emotional Regulation

Teaching Kids to Navigate Big Emotions

Emotional regulation is foundational to fostering accountability. Kids may avoid responsibility out of fear—fear of failure, judgment, or disappointing others. Francini highlights the importance of teaching kids emotional regulation techniques, like mindfulness and stress management, to help them cope.

One of her favorite strategies? Using physical grounding techniques, such as placing a cold towel around the neck or stepping barefoot onto the ground. These methods calm the nervous system and bring the brain back online, allowing kids to process their emotions and take responsibility.

Accountability Starts with Modeling

How Adults Can Set the Tone

As parents and teachers, we need to model accountability ourselves. Francini shares how inconsistent expectations—like enforcing rules sometimes but not others—can confuse kids and undermine their trust. This isn’t about guilt-tripping adults, but about building self-awareness.

“It’s not about being perfect,” Francini emphasizes, “but about striving for consistency so kids can rely on us as role models.”

The Power of Contracts

A Tool for Clear Expectations

One of Francini’s most effective strategies for teaching accountability is using contracts. These agreements provide structure, define expectations, and give kids a sense of ownership.

Here’s how it works:

Collaborate: Sit down with your child or student to create the contract together.
Identify Obstacles: Discuss potential challenges they might face in completing the task or commitment.
Problem-Solve: Brainstorm solutions for each obstacle.
Set Timelines: Establish clear start and end dates.

Contracts are particularly effective because they align with kids’ need for autonomy. When they help create the plan, they’re more likely to follow through.

Real-Life Applications

Accountability at Home and in the Classroom

Francini’s strategies are flexible enough to work in any setting. For example, in the classroom, teachers can create contracts for group projects or individual assignments. At home, parents might use checklists or agreements for chores, homework, or extracurricular activities.

Kelsey shares how her homeschooling family uses daily checklists to help her kids track their progress. “The clarity has been a game-changer,” she says.

Join Us for More Insight

Free Resources and Events

Francini’s expertise isn’t limited to the podcast. She offers a free eBook titled Unlocking Accountability in Kids and Teens, which includes templates for creating contracts and other practical tools for fostering responsibility.

You can also catch Francini live at the upcoming Winter Educate & Rejuvenate event, where she’ll dive deeper into these strategies. The event is free for general admission, with an option to upgrade for extended content and coaching.

Ready to Empower Your Kids?

Download Francini’s free eBook, Unlocking Accountability in Kids and Teens, and start transforming how your kids or students approach responsibility. Don’t forget to register for the Winter Educate & Rejuvenate event to learn even more strategies from Francini and other incredible speakers.

Together, we can help kids not only survive but thrive in learning accountability!

Connect with Francini:

Take our Podcast Quiz

Do you love Educate & Rejuvenate: The Podcast? Take our podcast quiz to get a personalized playlist of episodes you don’t want to miss!

Connect with Kelsey:

Read the transcript for Unlocking Accountability with Kids & Teens with Francini Estes [#159] below:

Do your kids say they’ll do something, but then don’t follow through? You are not alone. In today’s episode, Francini shares why kids and teens struggle with accountability, and how you can help them take responsibility. From emotional regulation to using contracts, Francini’s tips will empower you and your kids towards owning their actions. Whether in the classroom or at home, this episode is packed with practical solutions for fostering accountability. Welcome to educate and rejuvenate, the podcast to help you revitalize your teaching, renew your spirit, and reignite your passion for life. I’m your host, Kelsey Sorensen, a former teacher, current homeschool mom, published author, and certified life coach. Whether you are a teacher in a traditional classroom, homeschool from your kitchen table, or anywhere in between, I am on a mission to help you not only survive as an educator, but thrive. Get ready to up level your skills with incredible insights from guest to experts and discover the missing piece, rejuvenating yourself.

Kelsey Sorenson 00:01:04 – 00:01:49

Are you ready to both educate and rejuvenate? Let’s go. Francini and I, we met at a conference a few years ago. And I am so thrilled that now, finally, after forever of whenever we’d talk a bit, oh, I should have you on the podcast sometime, that this episode is here. And now, you are listening. You popped in your earbuds, and you’re about to hear from my dear friend, Francine, who is incredible. She is a life coach, also certified through the Life Coach School, just like I am. But what she really is an expert in is helping kids with accountability. And especially, helping kids with special needs, or autism, ADHD.

Kelsey Sorenson 00:01:49 – 00:02:24

Like, she is so helpful with all of that. But you’re going to hear a lot more about in this episode. Now, what I’m also thrilled about is that Francini will also be presenting at our Winter Educate and Rejuvenate conference, which you’ve been hearing about the last few weeks on the podcast. You heard from our keynote, Leslie Robb. You’ve heard Giselle from kids yoga stories. You’ve been hearing from some of our incredible speakers already. And now, I’m bringing you another one. So if these episodes haven’t made you want to attend this event, I don’t know what will, because we have so many incredible speakers who are going to be part of it.

Kelsey Sorenson 00:02:24 – 00:03:02

And you’re gonna wanna come because not only is it the information that you’ll learn, but it’s actually connecting. Us actually coming together, the camaraderie, the high vibes we have, which Francine and I are going to talk more about it today. So again, if you missed those past episodes too, make sure you listen to my interview with Leslie. She’s our comedian, who’s going to be the comedy keynote at the event. We’re so thrilled to have her. Giselle was incredible for talking about regulation and using yoga in the classroom, or with your own children at home. So you’re definitely gonna wanna listen to the podcast episodes. Maybe you missed some of them, but now you’re heading into your holiday break if you’re listening, and you’re like, okay.

Kelsey Sorenson 00:03:02 – 00:03:37

Now I have some time. You can play catch up on these episodes. They’ve all been so good while you wait for the event to actually begin. So the way it’s going to work, I realized that I don’t think I’ve actually explained it fully for a couple weeks, is that you’re going to register for free. There is a platinum option if you want the entire break to start watching the prerecorded sessions. But, otherwise, we have a pre party on December 30th, where we’re going to do booty yoga, which is so much fun. I’m actually bringing in the yoga instructor that I see at least twice a week to come and do a class with everyone. It’s really like, cardio and yoga, like, dance and yoga put together.

Kelsey Sorenson 00:03:37 – 00:03:56

And the reason we did that is because usually, at our summer one, we have time for 2 workouts. This time, we only have time for 1. So I’m like, let’s merge them together, because we’ve always said a yoga and a cardio. So we’re doing cardio yoga. That’s gonna be so fun. Then I’m gonna be helping us reflect on your year so far. I’ll be talking more about that in a couple weeks on the podcast too. It’s kind of a sneak peek.

Kelsey Sorenson 00:03:57 – 00:04:25

And then, we’ll have our 1st speaker round table. So that’s all happening on the 30th. And then I’ll go over, like, how you get into the app in case you haven’t yet, how you’re going to access the sessions. The prerecorded sessions will go live for everybody for free on January 3rd. The lives are the 7th, 8th, 9th in the evening after school hours. So you’ll have the comedy keynote. It’s it’s gonna be fun. It’s gonna be like you’ve had a long day at school, and then we’re just gonna laugh, and we’re gonna have a great time.

Kelsey Sorenson 00:04:25 – 00:05:00

So there’ll also be replays available through January 10th, if there are any parts that you can’t make live. So make sure that you register at educateandrejuvenate.com/conference. Okay. Now let’s dive into this interview with my incredible friend, Francini. Francini, I am so thrilled to finally be having you on the podcast. We’ve been talking for this for probably about a year now or so. So I I’m so thrilled to have you here. Can you tell just really quick our listeners a little bit about you, about how we connected and everything?

Francini Estes 00:05:01 – 00:05:24

I’m so excited to be here. Thank you so much for having me. A little bit about me. This accent comes from Brazil. So I’m Brazil, born and raised in Brazil. I got married to an American guy. So that brought me to United States and we adopted 3 children from the foster care system in California. We’re in the process of adopting our 4th one.

Francini Estes 00:05:24 – 00:05:25

We’re super excited.

Kelsey Sorenson 00:05:26 – 00:05:31

Our folks excited for you. Alright. What was the process?

Francini Estes 00:05:31 – 00:06:05

It has been the process, especially because we we’re out of state. So it’s been a different process because we’re adopting it from a different state. And in all honesty, we our baby was 9. So it’s pretty, it’s kind of a gap from 9 to 0. Yeah, for sure. That we were not expecting, but it’s been so much fun to, to raise him. And, and this whole processes has its ups and downs, but we are thrilled to have him in our lives. We met at a conference and for.

Kelsey Sorenson 00:06:05 – 00:06:07

Oh, you and I. Yes. Yeah.

Francini Estes 00:06:08 – 00:06:16

And yeah. And then you were talking about what you do and I think it was wife teacher mommy still that

Kelsey Sorenson 00:06:16 – 00:06:17

Oh, it definitely was. Yeah.

Francini Estes 00:06:18 – 00:06:39

So I’m I was just like, I was fascinated because I’m a former teacher. So I’m instantly just like, oh my goodness. If I was teaching, I still teaching, I would have to be there just because Yeah. It’s all the the materials you have there. Just you make it so much easier for teachers. I’m just like, I wish I had this when I was teaching.

Kelsey Sorenson 00:06:39 – 00:06:39

Yes.

Francini Estes 00:06:40 – 00:07:08

So I instantly connected with you and I was already a coach then, a life coach. I am certified by the life coach school. I have been coaching for a few years. I coach mothers, especially mothers of kids with special needs or any, challenging behavior. And now lots of teachers that I love, because I’m one of the coaches Your club, the educate rejuvenate club.

Kelsey Sorenson 00:07:08 – 00:07:49

Yes. It’s it’s been so fun because I remember when we met at that conference, I just so it was actually a coaching conference we met at and I was like, oh, I have a coaching membership. When I when we grow, I wanna, like, have you come be one of our coaches and and it wasn’t right away. It was, like, a ways later. We kept in touch, and then I finally was, okay, Francine. We’re ready. I want you to come on and join us. And so it’s it’s been really fun to now be working with you, and I love our panel of coaches and how we all bring different perspectives to to our community, and I’ve heard from a lot of our members, like, oh, I just love hearing from all the different coaches because we all can teach even similar things, but in a different way, but then we also have different things that we teach as well.

Kelsey Sorenson 00:07:49 – 00:07:50

So it’s so fun.

Francini Estes 00:07:51 – 00:07:54

Yeah. No. Thank you. It’s an honor to be part of your team.

Kelsey Sorenson 00:07:55 – 00:08:12

Don’t go anywhere. We’ll be right back after this exciting announcement. If you’re listening to this podcast, you know how thrilled I am about our winter educate and rejuvenate event that I really want you to attend. But I also just don’t want you to take my word for how awesome these events are. So here’s what some of our past attendees have had to say.

Speaker C 00:08:13 – 00:08:28

Really like to educate and rejuvenate events, both summer and winter. It’s just refreshing, and I come out of it with some new ideas that I can apply to my teaching, apply to my life. And there’s just the great community.

Francini Estes 00:08:28 – 00:08:37

The educate, rejuvenate events are amazing. There’s uplifts you and makes you laugh. I’m a homeschool mom,

Speaker D 00:08:37 – 00:08:48

and I love that this group is inclusive of both classroom teachers and homeschool teachers, and and we all just get along great. The the conferences have so much to offer for both groups.

Speaker E 00:08:48 – 00:09:07

My favorite events are the educate and rejuvenate. They really do give you that refresh for your spirit. Everybody was hollering self care this, and it’s not just taking a bubble bath. We really need to know how to take care of ourselves as teachers, as people, as human beings.

Speaker F 00:09:08 – 00:09:21

It was through this conference that I learned how to balance my teacher and work life. I learned how to set goals for myself. I learned how to prioritize what is very important to me as a teacher and what’s very important in my life.

Kelsey Sorenson 00:09:21 – 00:09:55

So if you’re wanting 2025 to be a year where you thrive, not only in teaching, but also in your own everyday life and your goals, make sure to join us at winter educate and rejuvenate 2024 2025. It’s completely free for general admission. Go to educateandrejuvenate.com/conference to sign up for free. Alright. So let’s dive into our topic today. We’re talking about and this is something you’ve actually been talking about a lot, like, I’ve seen on your website, and you did a coaching call about it, and everybody was like, oh my goodness. I love this. I’m like, k.

Kelsey Sorenson 00:09:55 – 00:10:12

We need to talk about it on the podcast. We’re talking about accountability because how many of you listening today are, like, these kids, they’re just not, like, doing what I need them to, whether you’re they’re your own children at home or whether they’re your children in your classroom. Doesn’t matter either way you’re seeing it. Right? Oh, yeah. Accountability

Francini Estes 00:10:12 – 00:10:16

is a thing right now. Yeah. The lack of maybe.

Kelsey Sorenson 00:10:16 – 00:10:40

The lack of. Yes. But also as we dive into this, as you and I both know, a lot of times when we’re coaching, we wanna actually define things. Right? We’re like, well, what do you mean when you say accountability? Because we could talk about that and you would think one thing, I would think another, maybe somebody else would think another thing. So let’s all get on that same page. So when, how would you define accountability in the context of children and teens and why is it important for their development?

Francini Estes 00:10:41 – 00:11:17

Yeah. So I define as their ability to take responsibility for their actions, for making decisions that align with their values and own that onto their mistakes. I think it’s a big thing for the kids. Oh, not their mistakes. Why do I think that’s important? If you, I like to think sometimes I like to think as an adult. So if you think about a friend that you have that is not accountable, and the first thing that comes to my mind is I can’t trust them. I can’t do not trust this person. I can imagine.

Francini Estes 00:11:18 – 00:12:13

I’m not super judgmental, but there are some of, you know, friends that it’s just hard to trust because they’re not always so I think one of the things is trustworthiness. Right? And having a relationship with somebody that’s not accountable, it’s hard. So we want the kids to have good relationships. So with in the future with the partner, but even among their, their friends and also it’s, promotes self discipline and integrity, right? Yeah. Mom doesn’t want the child to have integrity. So I think that’s one of the things, but I think it’s even to go further than that, even to develop some skills. So for example, you want kids to learn a music instrument and they say, they come to you and say, I want to learn to play piano. I want to.

Francini Estes 00:12:14 – 00:12:38

And it’s not you mom pushing piano on a child. There’s a child saying I want to. And when it becomes a little hard, when it becomes they have this tendency to maybe quit. And so that we can talk more about this, but I’m just saying that even that part, right, it is not gonna, they’re not gonna be able to develop some skills that they could acquire, because of the lack of accountability.

Kelsey Sorenson 00:12:38 – 00:12:43

Yes. Because then because they’re not taking that responsibility themselves, right? Yeah.

Francini Estes 00:12:43 – 00:12:54

They say they wanna do it. Yeah. And then they they don’t take accountability for saying, okay. So I say we are going to do piano for 6 months.

Kelsey Sorenson 00:12:55 – 00:12:55

Mhmm.

Francini Estes 00:12:55 – 00:13:22

Right? That’s when it starts. That’s when it ends. And then you are 1 month in, and even like not in my house, it happened 3 weeks in. Just like, oh, mom, it’s just too hard and you know, and all the things. And so that’s when I say accountability. Cause sometimes we think accountability as just tasks like homework or you forgot your homework and you’re not telling the truth. Yeah. Okay.

Francini Estes 00:13:22 – 00:13:35

But accountability, I, in my point of view is just greater than just that. It’s just not owning what you’re saying that you’re gonna do. Right? Like, you you say you’re gonna do it, so let’s do it.

Kelsey Sorenson 00:13:35 – 00:14:04

Yeah. So kind of on that point, both with, like, that piano example or, like, it could be something in a classroom, a student isn’t, you know, following through on their work or on a project. Maybe even they even were given some autonomy in that, and they, like, chose their topic, and they started off excited about this project, and then they kind of ran out of steam. Like, I don’t wanna do it. You know? But as a parent and a teacher, we also do have a role in, like, hey. And we do need to help keep them accountable. So what is our role in accountability, and what is their role? Sorry. I’m totally going off script.

Kelsey Sorenson 00:14:04 – 00:14:05

But

Francini Estes 00:14:06 – 00:14:29

No problem. I’m gonna just go a little bit backward just so we understand our role. So Yes. Because if we don’t understand why this is happening to them, if we if we don’t understand why they’re struggling, that’s not what what’s happening. It’s not happening. Why they’re struggling with that. We can’t help. Cause we come come up with strategies when we know the obstacle.

Francini Estes 00:14:29 – 00:14:56

Right? So what’s happening in there with children and teens, that’s making them not be so accountable. And if you think about it, one part is the brain develop development, right? So they’re, I don’t use the big terms, but the prefrontal cortex, that’s the thinking part of their brain, the part of the brain that’s responsible for planning, focusing and staying organized is just not fully developed.

Kelsey Sorenson 00:14:57 – 00:14:57

Right.

Francini Estes 00:14:58 – 00:15:41

And then they have, so that’s some of the challenges with that is that correct functioning. And then they have difficulty seeing the big picture, right? So since they’re having a hard time seeing, the end of it, they lack motivation to keep going. Right? So because the value or so the lack of motivation, not being able to see the big picture, they’re going to struggle. Another thing is frustration and overwhelm, especially for homework, a project at school. If they are lacking skills to do it, or if they’re not understanding what is required or if it, so there is that overwhelm and that frustration. And so often they don’t communicate really well. Right? Like, right. You know what? I just don’t understand.

Francini Estes 00:15:41 – 00:15:59

I don’t get it. Or this is being too difficult because I don’t get this part of the assignment or whatever it is they were applying. And because they sometimes lack, especially neurodivergent, but I think all the kids, if we don’t teach them strategies to break down tasks, they are going to

Speaker F 00:15:59 – 00:16:00

struggle. Right?

Francini Estes 00:16:00 – 00:16:06

They’re gonna feel overwhelmed again. It’s just like they’re overwhelmed. Well, nice to even grownups with that. Even me, like I need

Kelsey Sorenson 00:16:06 – 00:16:34

to break stuff down into smaller stuff and I teach this to adults and they’re like, oh, this is how I reach my goal. So I mean, we’re talking about children and teens here. So like, yeah, they might need some support. Yes. At the end of the day, we cannot force them to do something. Right. They need to do it, but we can help give them support and look at that root cause like almost like teaching, whether it’s in a classroom or your own children, you need to be a coach as well. Try to look at what is the root cause of what’s going on.

Kelsey Sorenson 00:16:34 – 00:16:39

Not just put a bandaid over it. Right. Yes. But see what is that root cause?

Francini Estes 00:16:39 – 00:17:18

What it’s causing the lack of accountability here. Why are they lying? Why are they not finishing what they said they’re going to finish? What what’s happening? Right. And sometimes it’s fear or failure or judgment, right? They’re afraid, fear of failure or it’s being judged. Yeah. Particularly, like I said, new activities, like sports, sporting that they’re not good at it when they first start. And then I think another big one sometimes is inconsistent is expectations. So sometimes we’re not very clear. Right? And we’re not very consistent with our expectations.

Francini Estes 00:17:18 – 00:17:44

And when kids feel uncertain or they’re confused, that doesn’t help. And they will quit. I have been that in mind, just like this is the challenge is. So now what mom or a teacher can do, or dad can do to help these kids to be more accountable? And I think 1, number 1 is modeling, right? So we have

Kelsey Sorenson 00:17:44 – 00:18:01

to be accountable. And even those inconsistent expectations is us not being accountable. Right. And I am so guilty of this. I think of even just this year, I’ve been really good about screen time, but other times when, oh, it’s really overwhelming right now. And then just let them have more and that’s confusing for them, you know? It is.

Francini Estes 00:18:02 – 00:18:14

It is. Yeah. But they’re watching us, right? Like they they watch our every move. So one, we’re not very consistent. And this is not a guilt session. It’s not for you to like, oh my goodness. Now No.

Kelsey Sorenson 00:18:14 – 00:18:21

It’s self awareness. It’s self awareness. It’s just like, oh, this makes sense. And it’s okay. Right? Yes.

Francini Estes 00:18:21 – 00:19:17

So I do not want, especially with, with all these things that I’m saying, I do not want teachers and parents to feel, okay, I’m doing everything wrong and just feel guilt and let alone, I please don’t feel shame. We are all, I, I think we all gonna never gonna do this perfectly. Right? Nope. Gonna do one good in one area and also go in another area and their days were so it’s all good. Please don’t feel like this is, but I think there are some practices that we can do to help our kids. And I didn’t talk much about the, especially with the kids that are already using their phones and social media and all of that. That’s another thing that’s damaging a lot of accountability. But let me go through the things that you can do it, right? Let’s go through, how can I help? And how can we? How can we do this? Right.

Francini Estes 00:19:17 – 00:19:49

And there’s something called social emotional learning. And some of the practices in social emotional learning is mindfulness and stress management. Like to do morning meetings and check ins with our kids and emotional regulation techniques. Why emotional regulation is going to help with accountability? Because so often our children is not being accountable because they are fear. They’re fearful of judgment or mom and dad getting upset about it or so they’re in a sphere. But if they know how to take care of themselves and their emotions,

Kelsey Sorenson 00:19:50 – 00:19:50

it’s

Francini Estes 00:19:51 – 00:20:26

going to be so much easier. Right? So we’re giving them the tool to, to help them be in how to, by teaching them emotional regulation techniques. And I have a gazillion of them, but one share a favorite. Yeah. Share a favorite. Let’s see one very quick one that I like to do with my kids, which is okay, when your kid is dysregulated, okay, no thinking, gone thinking. Oh, yeah. In my house, we call it, it is the eagle is a wise bird is gone because the dog is barking.

Francini Estes 00:20:26 – 00:20:41

The dog is barking, barking, barking, barking. And man, the eagle, the wise bird, which is your prefrontal cortex gone, your memory. Can we call it? It’s, anyway, it’s gone. So now you just have the barking dog.

Kelsey Sorenson 00:20:41 – 00:20:42

Yeah. So

Francini Estes 00:20:42 – 00:20:54

how can we calm the barking dog? We do a lot of somatic. So we go just drop to the body, which is get off of the mind. Mind’s not working. It’s gonna come more negative and more negative and more negative.

Kelsey Sorenson 00:20:54 – 00:20:55

It’s gonna

Francini Estes 00:20:57 – 00:21:20

spiral. I just have the kids. Okay. So right now we’re not even gonna talk much. So we just gonna do so we go put cold towel, like a cold towel around their neck. My kids are very they’re just running and trying to get a cold towel. It’s so funny because when they see that I’m dysregulated, they bring me a cold towel from around my neck. So.

Kelsey Sorenson 00:21:20 – 00:21:23

Oh my goodness. I love it. And in the classroom you can even do paper towels.

Francini Estes 00:21:23 – 00:21:51

Exactly. That is a great one. Paper towel or we have the ice packs, little ice packs. Some, if you have access, if you have to a fridge close, if you have freezer that you can put it in, in your classroom, and it’s close by, but you don’t even need to do that. Another thing that I ask my kids to do sometimes is just go to the bathroom and put your hands under the cold water. Just that cold will help you. We do take off your shoes and step on the ground. So it’s just grounding.

Francini Estes 00:21:52 – 00:22:03

Right? And we do a lot of the processing emotion in your body and, naming your emotions where it is and how it’s I think in the club that you do such a great job. You explain We

Kelsey Sorenson 00:22:03 – 00:22:09

do a lot of that, but we you can do it with the kids too. It’s not just for it’s for the kids as well.

Francini Estes 00:22:10 – 00:22:23

Oh, it’s amazing. I really my kids are getting very good at it. And sometimes my daughter, she would come to me and she would sit in my lap and said, can you just feel with me? She was just like, can you just feel with me? And I said, sure.

Kelsey Sorenson 00:22:23 – 00:22:25

So she was so beautiful.

Francini Estes 00:22:26 – 00:22:54

And she just like, and she just tried to breathe. Cause I said, okay, we gotta breathe and then we gotta name it. And if we do those practices, I think that, and then just the breathing, which is if you just did them now, you’re not gonna tell them to breathe when they’re mad. Okay. Don’t do that. This is not going to work. Those are the things that you teach prior to it. And then when they’re in that situation, they just going to go and go ahead.

Francini Estes 00:22:54 – 00:23:04

That’s what my kids now starting to do it. Sometimes they don’t do it. And when they’re so mad, I would just let it go and just wait it out. And then we go do it.

Kelsey Sorenson 00:23:04 – 00:23:29

When they’re ready, when they’re ready to calm down. And I find out that my kids, they know like when they need to co regulate or regulate. But a lot of times again, it is co regulating when you, as the grown up are helping them to regulate like, Hey, let’s okay. Let’s take a deep breath now. And then if they’re not like receptive to it in that moment, okay. They’re not even in the point where they can do that yet. So you need to wait it out. But then when they are, it really can just be such a beautiful okay.

Kelsey Sorenson 00:23:29 – 00:23:53

We’re and sometimes you need it too, because sometimes their outburst is disregulating to yourself as well. So it can be very helpful to do that. To everybody listening, the last few we’ve had a bunch of episodes that really tied in together so beautifully. Again, go back and listen to, like, the last month of episodes. You’re gonna get even more ideas for this regulating. And I love hearing just different perspectives about

Francini Estes 00:23:54 – 00:24:33

it. Yeah. No. And we think the kids are not getting that, even if they are not, if, if you see that I’m just like so dysregulated and they’re not getting right then, but you I promise if you keep doing it, if you keep teaching, they will get it eventually. They will get it. Cause that’s, I finally seen my kids, but I have been teaching them for years now. And right now my daughter just gets to sit with me and she can’t co regulate most of time and sometimes she just needs her time alone, but she can sit on my lap and she goes through all the steps that we go through and, but she likes to do with meats because at least she get a calm state and all of that when I’m calm. Right.

Francini Estes 00:24:33 – 00:25:02

I don’t need to. So I really love that for, to help with the accountability. Now the thing that I like to do is journaling. It is so important to do the reflective again after the fact, independent what it was that your child wasn’t accountable. It’s good to just number 1, talk with them and sit down. If they are not the ones that like to talk. I have a child with autism, very high functioning, very brilliant child. Doesn’t that much.

Francini Estes 00:25:02 – 00:25:39

He doesn’t like to be talking to me much. But if I asked him to write it down, what was happening? Like what, what happened? Why were you not accountable? What in all the things he goes and he does it and he sits and he gets to think like right now he’s using that. I was like, Oh, I lied or I didn’t finish this because this and that. And he, when he feels comfortable, he comes and he bring it up. And sometimes really I can change some things around to make it easier for him to be more accountable. So I really love that. And so many things I can do role playing in this, in the classroom. I love role playing with the kids and social scenarios.

Francini Estes 00:25:39 – 00:26:18

And so there’s like a gazillion things, but I would like to just spend a little time on my favorite one. That is the one that has helped again, my kids in it that it can help your kids in the classroom with whatever it is that you struggling with. If you have that one child that never finishes homework, he never, he never turns in homework. I think this is helpful and it was so good. It is clear expectations with a contract that I call it. I love contracts. Why do I love contracts? Because provides that structure. Remember the kids have a hard time to see the big picture in the end.

Kelsey Sorenson 00:26:18 – 00:26:19

Mhmm. Yep.

Francini Estes 00:26:19 – 00:26:48

Contract it’s structure and it’s clear. And you can say it’s, we start here. It ends here this many days. And it’s just like, oh, now I get it. Okay. I’m gonna have this many weeks and I’m gonna do this, this, and this is our, the steps and more because kids, all of us have the needs for autonomy, competence and relatedness. So especially kids, they want the autonomy so bad. They want to be in control.

Francini Estes 00:26:48 – 00:27:25

They want to be the ones. And when they are the one that helps you write the contract, the, it is much easier for them to follow through. So if you have that child struggling, you go and sit with them and help them write that contract. I also helps them with problem solving because what I like to do in my contracts, we go and we say, okay, so what’s some obstacles? And then we come up with strategies. So one of the obstacles, you know what I get, I feel too tired or usually I do the work, the homework at night. I’m just too tired. Okay. So what can we do? What’s not, what is the strategy? Okay.

Francini Estes 00:27:25 – 00:28:00

We’re going to do homework at this time or when I come home from school, I’m just so hyper. I just can’t do it. I was like, okay, so how about we have a break first and we do this and then we do homework or whatever it is. It’s in your classroom or the project it is. So when you help them come up with what is stopping you? Why are you inquiring about this? Or why are you not finishing your homework, your assignments or what they will tell you depends on their age. Right? And, right. And but you can start observing too. And that’s what I want to do.

Francini Estes 00:28:00 – 00:28:32

Just Usually happens around this time or I see that it’s always this assignment. It is right after lunch or right before lunch or right when they first come in or at the end of the day that it doesn’t get done. What is it? Is that are they the child’s too tired? Is he sleeping at night? Is he awake? So of course you can come up with that too. But I like the the contract because it helps them problem solving. Because you’re not gonna give them all the answers. Right. Okay. So what can you do about it?

Kelsey Sorenson 00:28:33 – 00:28:33

Mhmm.

Francini Estes 00:28:34 – 00:29:11

So my son wants to start doing soccer and he’s 15 and he plays soccer when he was like 4. I said, you don’t have the skills. I was like, I’m sorry. I know I’ve beaten the horrible mom, but you’re going to go in a team of 15 year olds that have been playing soccer for all this years and you don’t have all the abilities. So know what are you just going to quit when you see that everybody is a little bit better than you because it’s your first time doing it. So anyway, he was able to come up with this. Okay. And when you tie, when you don’t feel like going, so what are we going to do about that? And then I went to all the obstacles and then he came up with some strategies.

Francini Estes 00:29:11 – 00:29:30

So that’s problem solving. Breakdown, right? Like we’re breaking it down the task installer. Just like I said, we don’t struggle with that. Yes. Like just break it down. It’s going to be way easier for them to do that. So I actually like this one a lot.

Kelsey Sorenson 00:29:30 – 00:29:46

Yes. Giving the kids that structure. And I love the contract idea. And there are also like so many ways you could do it too with our homeschooling, right? We have all these different things we wanna make sure they do. And some of them are more independent. And so they’ll be, oh, mom, I did it. And I’m like, wait. Did you really do it? So then you need to check.

Kelsey Sorenson 00:29:46 – 00:30:17

Right? So we started doing, like, I made this checklist of all this stuff they need to do every day. And we print it out again every single week, and they have to check every single thing off. And then I have to actually double check it. Okay. Did you actually do it? Because you can also just check the boxes, but they have found it really helpful because like, oh, now I get it. Now I get what mom wants, especially as I’ve clarified it more, Cause they are doing some more things independently this year than in the past, just as they’re getting older. Right? So, yeah, it’s just, you know, it can take some time to figure out.

Francini Estes 00:30:17 – 00:30:51

It is. And I focus more on this side and I know that there is the obvious side that I didn’t focus as much. Cause I think that’s the one that we always goes to, which is the not taking responsibility, meaning like you just lie about it, right? Like the kids just they just don’t think they don’t miss their mistakes. It was because she did it first or because he asked me to do it. Like not. Yeah. And just always blaming someone else. So there’s that side to it and that we could do a whole nother podcast on it.

Kelsey Sorenson 00:30:51 – 00:31:00

But like, how do we get kids to take ownership? Like, oh, I need a misbeaker. Oh yeah. I didn’t do that. And I knew I was supposed to do that. I just thought I could get away with this, you know?

Francini Estes 00:31:01 – 00:31:52

So I know I’m not covering all the parts, but I’m doing that on purpose because I want to make sure that I wanna give you something that you can do it and you start doing instead of just giving all just this little things I want to be clear and give you, like, specific steps and the why behind it. And I think it was easier to just focus in one thing. And I think it’s the one thing that a lot of teachers and parents are coming to me is just, like, why my kid cannot, you know, take accountability or or he cannot finish what he starts. And then they and then just don’t take accountability for anything he’s doing. And I’m like, okay, so we’re gonna come up with something. Cause I start seeing that at home too. I’m like, my kid is not finishing. They want to go do all these different things and they do a few weeks and they’re done.

Francini Estes 00:31:52 – 00:32:06

And then a few other weeks and they’re done. So I’m like, okay, we are gonna have to do you can, you don’t have to do this for the rest of your life, but we’re gonna have to come up with a number of months or whatever it is. Right? That you

Kelsey Sorenson 00:32:06 – 00:32:07

can Like a plan.

Francini Estes 00:32:07 – 00:32:11

Yeah. Yes. For them to stick to it.

Kelsey Sorenson 00:32:11 – 00:32:55

Yeah. And what I love too, and what I think is also important for them to remember as they do this, I think a lot of times we’re like freaking out because this shouldn’t be happening. Why is this happening? And just realize the fact that we’re even having this conversation means it’s happening to basically every teacher and every parent. And it’s like, of course they’re doing that part of their job. Like part of what kids do is they push boundaries, especially as they’re growing up. And, you know, if something’s not easy, they haven’t learned the skills yet to keep doing something even when it’s not easy or exciting anymore. So it’s just an opportunity for them to learn, but it’s not about them doing it perfectly. Even when you craft this beautiful plan, it’s probably not going to go a 100% according to the plan, but it’s probably gonna go a lot better than if you didn’t have that plan in the first place.

Kelsey Sorenson 00:32:55 – 00:32:56

For sure.

Francini Estes 00:32:56 – 00:33:04

And I think now that I think as I was looking into some research and I did notice that it is increasing in our kids in our days. And

Speaker D 00:33:05 – 00:33:05

And I was

Francini Estes 00:33:05 – 00:33:24

like, why is that? What what’s happening? And one of the things that the instant gratification that they have in our days, right? But we would, I don’t know if we had a favorite show on TV, we would watch 1 episode, then we have to wait another week Yeah. Or wait for a whole nother, you know, season or whatever. And it

Kelsey Sorenson 00:33:24 – 00:33:32

had to be at a certain time and if you missed it. Like and you had to watch commercials, like, oh my goodness. Like Have

Francini Estes 00:33:32 – 00:33:42

to exactly. It was just like, so it is harder because they are just having this immediate gratification. And then and it that discourage all of

Kelsey Sorenson 00:33:42 – 00:33:50

their dopamine. And dopamine with all the activities and all the food, the food is so much worse than you that could be a whole other podcast though. So we’re not even gonna go

Francini Estes 00:33:50 – 00:33:52

into that. But it just mean, like,

Kelsey Sorenson 00:33:52 – 00:34:13

there are so many factors like our kids. It’s just dopamine, dopamine, dopamine. And then, like, they start piano or they’re, like, excited about a new project at school or a book they started or a series they started or whatever. And it’s exciting at first. And then it’s like the dopamine hit goes down and it’s like, they wanna do something else. And it’s like, they need to learn that it’s not all about getting that dopamine hit all the time, you know?

Francini Estes 00:34:14 – 00:34:37

And it is much harder again because Yeah. It’s, it’s just a different world that they live now. It’s just harder. But I don’t believe but I believe that we can implement different things. Absolutely. And do certain things. I’m just like, right before we hop, I, we start recording this. I got a phone call from my son.

Francini Estes 00:34:38 – 00:35:12

He is in, choir at school, a very hard choir to get and he had to audition it. Anyways, a very important choir. And he got in and he forgot last week, he forgot his music sheets and it seems like they got really upset with him and said, you absolutely cannot forget next week. And they got really mad. He didn’t share that with me, but he just shared with me now on a phone. Mom, guess what? I forgot it again. And I said, I am so sorry, baby. Like my heart is breaking for you.

Francini Estes 00:35:12 – 00:35:30

Because I know he can be very stern. I know he’s just gonna be so hard, but I’m so sorry. I cannot go and drive 20 minutes or so. Stop everything I’m doing and take you your music shit. So I think bailing when we bail them out all the time.

Speaker C 00:35:31 – 00:35:31

That’s

Francini Estes 00:35:31 – 00:35:52

another thing that’s accountable because mom’s going to come very last minute. You’re going to save the day. And I’m not saying for you to never do that. I do that sometimes. I believe that there is a place for it. But I just think that this time he needed to say, okay, I’m going to have to start being remembering things and being accountable

Kelsey Sorenson 00:35:52 – 00:35:55

because so important.

Francini Estes 00:35:55 – 00:36:10

That’s another thing I think that parents can do that it is just not always saving the day. But I’m saying, not saying don’t ever do that. I like sometimes just do it. It’s like it’s yeah, there was a mom gift today. Like I’m doing this one.

Kelsey Sorenson 00:36:10 – 00:36:12

Right? Yeah.

Francini Estes 00:36:12 – 00:36:31

Not keep taking away your consequences. Right? Right. Removing the natural consequences. And because that’s another thing that that we can have for, we just keep removing the natural consequences. There’s no consequences. So I’m not learning, gonna keep doing it. And so we have to be careful with that too.

Kelsey Sorenson 00:36:32 – 00:37:01

So many things. And yeah, we covered so much today, and I’m sure everybody can walk away with some sort of tip or trick that they can apply with their own children or with the kids in our classroom. Our lot of our listeners have both. So, hope everybody learned so much today, but also and I have more for them, like, on how they can, you know, do some more of that contract, some sample agreements, and things that you have available on your website for free. So can you tell our listeners a little bit more about that?

Francini Estes 00:37:02 – 00:37:30

Yes. So I did create a little booklet and an ebook. I think it’s a title was unlocking accountabilities and kids and teens. A proven start to help them finish what they start. I think that’s what it is. And then right at the end of that. So it gives you all of this things that we discussed plus some other things. And then right at the end, it just gives you the templates for you to do the accountability contracts with your kids.

Francini Estes 00:37:30 – 00:37:42

It, and has one that you can do for school and has examples of things that happens at school, at home. So you’re going to have tons of examples and different templates that you can do.

Kelsey Sorenson 00:37:43 – 00:37:43

So helpful.

Francini Estes 00:37:44 – 00:37:50

So I I hope you can enjoy that and you could just go on my website and just, yep, download it for free.

Kelsey Sorenson 00:37:50 – 00:38:14

Amazing. So all of you should definitely head on over there and grab it. We will put the link in the show notes for you. And, also, if you wanna chat with Francini about it, if you were in educate and rejuvenate club, make sure to come on a call. If you ever wanna get coached on accountability or contracts, like, she is the coach you’ll wanna talk to about that for sure. And And if you’re not in the club, they should definitely join us. Go. Right, Francie?

Francini Estes 00:38:15 – 00:38:43

I love it. And I, you know, I love the group that you have in there. I just love going there and just talking. And what I love about this, because we are kinda on the same street, so you have all the teachers that we are in the trenches, right? Like we’re all in it. So we can support each other. And those that are in there, those are the ones that wants to grow and they wants to work. So I love being in there. So, yes, go in there.

Francini Estes 00:38:43 – 00:38:52

There’s tons of good stuff, coaching and things that you can use in your classroom. So I would love to see you in there and coaching. Yes.

Kelsey Sorenson 00:38:53 – 00:39:11

I love it. It’s just so high vibe because it’s like, yeah, we admit there are real problems. It’s not like toxic positivity. Like, a lot of times we’re coming to coaching because, like, oh, I’m so frustrated about this thing. We need to get it out there, but also we wanna come up with productive solutions and support each other, lift each other up and not just be, Oh, it’s terrible. And there’s nothing we can do about it. You know?

Francini Estes 00:39:13 – 00:39:44

I do actually. Yesterday I coached in the club and I had one of the teachers come in and just telling all about all the things that she was be able to accomplish. And it was just so fun to listen and to celebrate with her because just seeing her, she said, Oh, I’m, I think for real, because I work with a lot of kids with behavior. She just finished it up with, I think her class behavioral with the kids with behavior issues. So it’s just so fun to celebrate the wins together

Kelsey Sorenson 00:39:44 – 00:40:09

too. It’s so fun. Like, I feel like we’re seeing wins all the time in the club and it’s just amazing. And I wanna celebrate with you, whoever’s listening to this right now. Also, great way to try out the field and the vibe of the club is we’re both also presenting at the winter educate and rejuvenate event, which you can join for free this time. First time we’ve ever done a free event, or you can upgrade to platinum or join us in the club. So lots of options. Definitely check out the free winter event.

Kelsey Sorenson 00:40:09 – 00:40:14

Definitely check out Francine news free accountability. Oh, what was it called again?

Francini Estes 00:40:15 – 00:40:20

It is so long, but it’s just unlocking accountability in kids and teens. Perfect.

Kelsey Sorenson 00:40:21 – 00:40:47

Yes. So download that, sign up for the event. And again, we’ll show you more about the club there. So, I mean, just go grab those 2 free things, like how easy free, right? If you’re still listening, that means you’ll gain any gain a ton from both of our both of those things. So thank you for Sydney for your time and for being here. We sure appreciate you and love having you as part of our educate and rejuvenate community. So glad to have you on the show.

Francini Estes 00:40:47 – 00:40:56

Thank you so much. And I can wait to coach some of you inside of the club. So come over and join us.

Kelsey Sorenson 00:40:59 – 00:41:43

Thank you for joining me on educate and rejuvenate the podcast today. If you love what you heard in this episode, be sure to hit subscribe so you don’t miss the next one. And if you’re hungry for even more, be sure to check out the book that I wrote. It’s called educate and rejuvenate a 3 step guide to revitalize your teaching, renew your spirit, and reignite your passion for life. It takes everything you learn here on the podcast and that I teach our members inside the Educate and Rejuvenate Club into a guide book you can refer to again and again. One of our early readers said it was like clarity for her brain. Plus, it’s not only a book. With your purchase, you’ll get a full PDF guide with exercises and links to videos and more so that you can not only consume, but apply everything that you learn.

Kelsey Sorenson 00:41:43 – 00:41:59

0:00 – 41:59

If you’re ready to make educate and rejuvenate, not just a podcast you passively listen to, but a lifestyle that you put into action, it’s time to grab your copy on Amazon today, or head to educate and rejuvenate.com/book to read the first chapter and the introduction today.

More about Educate & Rejuvenate: The Podcast

Being an educator is beyond a full-time job. Whether you’re a teacher or a homeschool parent, the everyday to-do list is endless. Between lesson planning, grading, meetings, and actually teaching, it probably feels impossible to show up for your students without dropping the ball in other areas of your life.

Educate & Rejuvenate: The Podcast is the show that will bring you the teacher tips, practical strategies, and inspiration that you need to relieve the stress and overwhelm of your day-to-day. Your host, Kelsey Sorenson, is a former teacher and substitute turned homeschool mom. Tune in weekly to hear Kelsey and her guests cheer you on and help you thrive as a wife, teacher, and mommy. Because with a little support and community, you can do it all. To access every single Educate & Rejuvenate resource, join the club at educateandrejuvenate.com/club.

Leave a Reply Cancel reply

Educate & Rejuvenate is the virtual teacher conference that you can not miss! Find out more about our summer and winter events.

Inside Educate & Rejuvenate Club, you will get access to our weekly teacher-life coaching AND our Pre-K to 6th grade resource library to achieve more of a work-life balance.

Hey there, new teacher bestie! I’m Kelsey, and I created Educate & Rejuvenate just for YOU! I blog about teaching and create elementary school and homeschooling resources to make your life easier. Be sure to sign up for my FREE email newsletter!

Then, follow me on Instagram and join the Facebook community to stay connected. I can’t wait to connect with you!

Oh, and don’t forget to listen and subscribe to Educate & Rejuvenate: The Podcast.

Let's Connect

Sign Up for Free Sub Plans!

Grab your FREE sub plans and you’ll be subscribed to get news about upcoming events, blog & podcast updates, subscriber deals, and more via email. You also agree to our privacy policy.