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When Emotions Run High with Chrissy Nichols [#155]

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Click below to listen to episode 155, When Emotions Run High with Chrissy Nichols:

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Key themes from When Emotions Run High with Chrissy Nichols [#155]:

  • Pause Before Reacting: When emotions run high, take a moment to breathe and create space for reflection rather than reacting immediately. This helps in responding thoughtfully rather than impulsively.
  • Allow Emotions to Exist: Let yourself feel the full extent of your emotions without rushing to suppress them. Recognizing and honoring these emotions provides valuable insight.
  • Create a “Feelings Plan”: Anticipate situations that might trigger high emotions, and create a plan for how you’ll handle them—such as focusing on breathing, active listening, or staying open-minded.
  • Practice Mindful Communication: Use calm, open-ended questions to understand others’ perspectives during conflict. This shifts the conversation toward understanding rather than escalating tension.
  • View Conflict as a Growth Opportunity: See conflict as a chance to deepen relationships. Working through issues respectfully can bring people closer and foster mutual understanding.
  • Lead with Curiosity and Compassion: Approach conflict with the goal of understanding rather than “winning.” Being curious about the other person’s perspective allows for a more constructive dialogue.
  • Embrace Self-Compassion: Navigating high emotions takes practice and patience. Be kind to yourself, recognizing that this process is part of the human experience.

When Emotions Run High: How to Navigate High-Stakes Feelings and Conflict 

Do you ever feel like your emotions are in overdrive, and you’re unsure what to do about it? Or maybe you know exactly why you’re feeling so intense, but handling it is a whole other challenge. In this post, we’re diving into what it really means to experience high emotions, how these big feelings can create both internal and external conflict, and sharing tools to help you navigate it all.

In episode 155 of Educate & Rejuvenate: The Podcast, I spoke with my friend and executive function coach Chrissy Nichols. Together, we explored how emotions impact us in powerful ways and how to handle them when they arise unexpectedly. Our conversation touches on everything from workplace dynamics to family gatherings, and we share some of our favorite strategies for moving through intense feelings with grace.

Why High Emotions Happen and How They Affect Us

It’s not uncommon to feel caught off guard by emotions. Maybe it’s a tough conversation with a colleague or a surprising comment on social media that stirs something inside. High emotions often hit us during unexpected moments, amplifying our reactions. When we’re in this heightened state, our intelligence can feel “low” as we get swept up in those intense feelings, making it difficult to think or communicate clearly.

Recognizing the Triggers

Sometimes high emotions come from something small—a social media post, a comment, or even an offhand remark. These situations can bring up feelings of frustration, anger, or even shame. In my conversation with Chrissy, we talked about how normal it is to feel taken aback by these moments and why it’s so essential to allow ourselves to experience the initial reaction fully before responding.

Tools to Process High Emotions

1. Pause Before Reacting

When emotions run high, it’s tempting to respond immediately. Instead, try taking a few deep breaths or even walking away if you can. This pause allows you to acknowledge the emotion without being controlled by it. As Chrissy shared, it’s okay to let yourself “sit” with the feelings for a moment.

2. Give Yourself Time to Process

Sometimes it’s helpful to step away and let the feelings settle. This might mean journaling or sharing your thoughts with someone who can listen without judgment. By processing privately, you allow the initial wave of emotions to pass, which can lead to a more grounded response later on.

3. Create a Preemptive “Feelings Plan”

If you know you’re about to enter a potentially triggering environment, like a holiday gathering or a high-stakes meeting, prepare yourself mentally. Think about how you’d like to handle any high emotions that come up. This could mean deciding to breathe deeply, focusing on listening, or even having a mantra to ground you in the moment. Having a plan can prevent you from being blindsided by emotions.

4. Practice Mindful Communication

In heated situations, it’s easy to feel like you have to respond immediately. But sometimes, a simple, calm question can defuse tension and offer both sides a chance to be heard. Even just saying, “That’s interesting—could you tell me more about your perspective?” can shift the energy of the conversation.

5. Honor the Emotions Instead of Suppressing Them

Chrissy reminded us that high emotions are filled with wisdom—they’re often trying to tell us something important. By acknowledging these feelings without rushing to fix them, we honor both ourselves and the situation. Rather than suppressing emotions, recognize them as a normal part of the human experience.

Embracing Conflict as Growth

While it’s natural to want to avoid conflict, embracing it can actually lead to deeper understanding and stronger relationships. Chrissy and I discussed how working through conflicts, whether with friends, family, or colleagues, can open up new levels of connection. It’s about seeing conflict not as something to fear, but as an opportunity for growth and insight.

1. Normalize Conflict as Part of Relationship Building

It’s easy to feel like conflict is a sign that something is wrong, but often, it’s just a sign that people are growing. When you approach conflict with an open mind and a willingness to understand, you give yourself the chance to deepen connections and expand your perspective.

2. Lead with Curiosity and Compassion

Instead of approaching conflict as a battle to be won, try to view it as a shared experience. By leading with curiosity—asking questions and seeking to understand the other person’s viewpoint—you create a safe space for both of you to explore the root of the issue.

3. Allow Emotions to Take Up Space

It’s okay if emotions run high during a tough conversation. Rather than rushing to defuse the tension, let the emotions breathe. Allow yourself and the other person to feel what needs to be felt, trusting that the emotions will eventually settle, leaving you both with more clarity.

Emotions Are Here to Teach Us

Learning to manage high emotions is a journey, and it’s one that takes practice, patience, and self-compassion. Whether you’re dealing with a tough day at work, a holiday gathering, or a conversation on social media, remember that you have the tools within you to navigate any situation. And when things feel overwhelming, know that you’re not alone—these feelings are part of the human experience, shared by all of us.

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Read the transcript for When Emotions Run High with Chrissy Nichols [#155] below:

Do you ever feel like your emotions are in overdrive, but you don’t know why? Or maybe you do, but you just don’t really know what to do with them? Today, we’re going to dive really deep into what high emotions really mean, how they create both internal and external conflicts, and some tools that will help you navigate them. You’ll be so glad you hit play because this conversation I’m having with the incredible Christy Nichols just might change the way you handle these big feelings. Welcome to educate and rejuvenate the podcast, when emotions run high. Welcome to educate and rejuvenate, the podcast to help you revitalize your teaching, renew your spirit, and reignite your passion for life. I’m your host, Kelsey Sorensen, a former teacher, current homeschool mom, published author, and certified life coach. Whether you are a teacher in a traditional classroom, homeschool from your kitchen table, or anywhere in between, I am on a mission to help you not only survive as an educator, but thrive. Get ready to up level your skills with incredible insights from guest experts and discover the missing piece, rejuvenating yourself. Are you ready to both educate and rejuvenate? Let’s go.
Kelsey Sorenson00:01:19 – 00:02:04
Hello, my friend. I’m so glad you hit play on today’s episode. It is a much needed conversation. I’m checking in on you, especially if you are listening shortly after this airs. We are airing this episode on election day 2024 in the United States, which if you if it’s the present time, you know, this is a big deal. If you’re listening later, maybe you remember that it was a pretty big deal. But this episode is also gonna be very general too. So whenever emotions are high about anything and we got down the path of emotions being high, especially during times of conflict, like in relationships, whether it be with your admin, like a heated conversation or a co teacher or a family member or a friend or really anybody.
Kelsey Sorenson00:02:05 – 00:02:33
Today, we’re talking about it really generally. We want this to be an episode you can come back to whenever those emotions run high. Now I do want to mention because last week on the podcast, I said that today we would have an interview with Gizelle from Yoga Kids Story. So excited to have her on. I have not forgotten about that. That episode is airing next week. But as soon as I saw that we were airing an episode on election day, I was like, let’s do something about emotions. Let’s do something about what people are really going to be feeling that week, but also keep it relevant long term.
Kelsey Sorenson00:02:33 – 00:03:06
And leave it open to everybody. Right? This isn’t about personal opinions or beliefs. It’s about no matter what, you’re probably feeling some big emotions anytime. Right? Whether it’s about this, whether it’s about, you know, a teaching situation 2 years from now when you’re listening to this. We wanna make sure that this will continue to be an episode you can come back to. But before we dive in, I need to introduce my incredible guest, Crissy Nichols. I’m not going to do a formal intro because so many of you know her because this is probably her 4th or 5th time on the podcast. She’s also been in all the coaching panels we’ve done.
Kelsey Sorenson00:03:06 – 00:03:32
And those of you who are in the Educate and Rejuvenate Club, you know that she is one of our coaches there. She’s incredible. We just love Chrissy. She is an executive function coach, and she went to the Life Coach School just like me. We’ve really developed this wonderful working relationship, but she does mention some conflicts we’ve had that I kinda forgot about as we got into this conversation. I’m like, oh, yeah. They can help you grow a relationship too. So super interesting.
Kelsey Sorenson00:03:32 – 00:04:19
We’re going to get into that. I’m really excited to have Chrissy on today. And let me know if you enjoy this conversation. I have wondered about maybe pulling in some of the coaches more often when we talk about coaching topics. Also, having some more guests on the show while still doing my solo episodes for you too. I love doing both, but sometimes it’s really fun when we can dive into a conversation. So before we roll that clip, I want to share just one more thing with all of you. If you love this episode, if you love the topic of emotions, what to do when they run high, how to handle your emotions, if you want more support, like, way more, support with honoring your emotions, holding boundaries, navigating conflict, creating the teacher life that you desire inside and outside the classroom or your homeschooling life or, you know, teaching online life, whatever it looks like for you.
Kelsey Sorenson00:04:19 – 00:05:19
You’re going to want to grab a copy of my new book, Educate and Rejuvenate. Same name as the podcast, our events, our website, everything these days. Educate and Rejuvenate the book. And this is a book that I poured my heart and soul into, and really giving you all the tools in one playbook. So you’re going to get some ideas and suggestions in this interview today, but if you really just want a guide book that is going to help you to find exactly what you need to do, because there are so many tools, but it’s customized to you, because you’re going to get a deeper understanding of yourself. And it really takes everything I talk about on this podcast or during our educate and rejuvenate live events. All the research I’ve done and compiled that is going to help you to be able to feel as burned out at school, to feel like you have more time because you know how to manage it, to know what to do when these overwhelming emotions come up. This book is going to be your guidebook, and we have had reviews just flowing in about how helpful this book has been for teachers already.
Kelsey Sorenson00:05:19 – 00:05:49
And it’s only been out, like, not even 2 months yet. So we are so thrilled at the reception so far, but it is just getting started. We really want to get this book into the hands of as many teachers as possible because it is such an accessible way to get this work into the hands of so many teachers. Less than 1 month of being in the Educate Rejuvenate Club where you get to work with me. You will get basically all the tools. Like, I even have people who’ve been in the club for a year, and they’re like, I learned just so much from this book. It’s now clicking. Everything we talked about in the club, it makes so much more sense.
Kelsey Sorenson00:05:49 – 00:06:27
So really, it’s a way for you to jump start. Just get a copy of the book, and it’s going to help you so, so much. And when you grab a copy of the book, again, now is the time to do it because you’ll get to join us in our book club. You’ll get to work with me. And there’s basically a full course that comes with it because there is a workbook that walks you through all the exercises that I mentioned in the book. And then I took videos going through each one. So no matter how you like to learn, if you were, like maybe even if you don’t read the book, but you do the workbook and you watch all the videos that I put together only for book buyers inside the app, it’s going to help you. So again, if you have not yet, go to Amazon or Target or Barnes and Noble online and snag your copy of Educate and Rejuvenate so you can join the book club.
Kelsey Sorenson00:06:27 – 00:07:01
It’s not too late. We’ve got so many great bonuses when you purchase a copy of the book with that PDF workbook, with the app, all the videos, the personalized support with me if you buy it before the end of 2024, when you can join the book club. It’s going to be such a great time, this book club. We’re having a good time, but it’s not too late to join. And if you do have the book, if you’re reading it and loving it, and maybe you finished it, maybe you’re just still diving in, but if you’re enjoying the book, here’s your reminder. Well, one to read it also. If you have the book and you’re, oh, wait, I haven’t started it yet, or oh, I forgot to keep reading it. Here’s your reminder to pick it up and use it.
Kelsey Sorenson00:07:01 – 00:07:37
That’s why you have it. Right? But also, if you’re loving it or have finished it, I’d love for you to leave a review on Amazon, and here’s why. It’s going to help us get the book again into the hands of more teachers so we can flip that statistic. The one that’s on the back of the book that says 44% of teachers say they’re always or almost always burned out. And even the one that we did in our own studies after I’d already finished the book, that it was 76 say they always put their job above themselves. Like, we want to flip that statistic. We want more of you to feel less burned out and have the tools and strategies to be able to do that. And this book is the best way to do that.
Kelsey Sorenson00:07:37 – 00:08:01
So if you can please leave a review if you’re loving the book. It helps more teachers to know that it’s a book that they would enjoy. So thank you so much for that. Alright. Let’s dive into today’s interview where we are talking about when emotions run high. Alright, Chrissy, my friend. I’m so excited to have you back. We are overdue We to be in this episode.
Chrissy Nichols00:08:01 – 00:08:14
Are overdue. That is my thought, and that is backed. So it’s so great to be back on the podcast. It’s been way too long, and it kind of really makes me think of our OG roots. Remember?
Kelsey Sorenson00:08:14 – 00:08:19
I know. I don’t even think you’ve been here since it was wife teach your mommy the podcast.
Chrissy Nichols00:08:19 – 00:08:26
Like, this, have you? Not no. But I’ve been loving it. I’ve been hearing it. Yeah. I’ve been into it. Educate and rejuvenate
Kelsey Sorenson00:08:28 – 00:08:36
You’ve you’ve been at our events with our members each month, but you haven’t been on the podcast. So for this segment now.
Chrissy Nichols00:08:36 – 00:08:53
But I I feel like energetically, I’m always here because I always love our listeners. I always love our educators, and I always love the topics that you get into. And by the way, my thought about us is we are gonna rock today’s topic. There’s gonna be so much value
Chrissy Nichols00:08:54 – 00:09:06
For everyone in their head space and heart space to listen to. So if you’re driving out there, you’re gonna wanna take notes, but don’t do 8 things at once, everybody. Just listen back.
Kelsey Sorenson00:09:07 – 00:09:35
Yeah. You can come back to this episode whenever you want, whenever emotions are running high, because that is what we were talking about today. And funny thing is I actually had a different episode planned for today. Right? We I have an interview I’m doing tomorrow with Giselle from kids yoga story. So excited for that to come out. But Cool. I realized the day that this episode was hitting the podcast is election day in the US, and that’s not our topic for today. We’re not talking about because I want this to be, like, an episode you can listen to anytime.
Kelsey Sorenson00:09:35 – 00:09:58
Yes. But I was like, oh, we needed something for all the emotions that everybody’s gonna be feeling. And then it’s something that you can continue coming back to as well when you’re like, oh, my emotions are high. What do I do? I need a pep talk. What do I do here? I’m feeling a little crazy right now. And then I thought so it was like, when emotions run high, that’s the title of the episode. And I was, like, getting ready to outline it. And I’m like, no.
Kelsey Sorenson00:09:58 – 00:10:08
I want this to be a candid conversation with someone. Who would that be? And then you were obviously the first person to come to my mind. So I texted Chrissy. Thank you. And here we are.
Chrissy Nichols00:10:08 – 00:11:00
Well, it’s always no matter what we’re getting into in the educator space, the human space, the emotion feels space. It’s always such an honor to be here. And it’s always so good to talk about how our thoughts I really on the regular, I’ll run out of my coaching office and I’ll grab my husband or something, and I’ll say, honey, it really is our thoughts, you know? And because it constantly, every day, I am shown, oh, if I can just think about something in a different way or have a different perspective. The beautiful amazing ness of today’s incredible topic is that sometimes our thoughts and our feelings happen almost instantaneously, and it’s not even a snap of the fingers. I was thinking about the Olympics when one person
Chrissy Nichols00:11:02 – 00:11:45
Yeah. When somebody comes in like a hundredth of a second faster than somebody else. Sometimes I feel like when emotions are high and we’re really in, it could be a societal state as our nation that the presidential election is here, but it could be a conflict. It could be a big conversation with a friend and you catch yourself in that moment when emotions are running really high. It could be a conversation you’re having with yourself. But I think this is incredibly valuable that today’s topic when we’re thinking about when things do get a little bit heated, when things do get a little bit hot, especially in relationships. This happens at school on the daily, but
Chrissy Nichols00:11:46 – 00:12:08
Definitely with the holidays coming up, this is a good one to think about when we’re at the holiday table and we’re talking with members of our family or friend group. Absolutely. And big stuff can come up. Right? Uh-huh. Yeah. We’re both you can’t see other podcast listeners, but we’re both
Kelsey Sorenson00:12:08 – 00:12:11
Oh, they can. They can if they’re watching on the skate rejuvenate app.
Chrissy Nichols00:12:11 – 00:12:13
I love it. Well, I hope you’re happy to
Kelsey Sorenson00:12:13 – 00:12:15
mention that to you. Hopefully, you’re okay with us
Chrissy Nichols00:12:15 – 00:12:21
because love it so much. I wore my super special earrings today. So everyone in the They’re super cute. Everyone in
Kelsey Sorenson00:12:21 – 00:12:24
You should all be in the app watching. Everybody
Chrissy Nichols00:12:24 – 00:12:36
in the community knows I love my super special big chunky earrings and jewelry. But, yeah, tell me, Kels, when let’s just get into this. When was the last time this kind of happened for you?
Chrissy Nichols00:12:38 – 00:12:42
Yeah. I know. I never let you go. I’m always gonna ask you.
Kelsey Sorenson00:12:43 – 00:12:47
Let’s talk about you. To share all on the podcast.
Chrissy Nichols00:12:47 – 00:12:52
Everything. We have sophisticated listeners. They can handle it.
Kelsey Sorenson00:12:52 – 00:13:10
Oh my goodness. Oh my goodness. Okay. Well, I definitely have several incidents of that. I’m gonna just put this a little more vaguely just so it’s, you know Sure. I want this to be friendly for everybody. Yeah. It was a post on social media about just some things in the world.
Kelsey Sorenson00:13:10 – 00:13:45
Right? And it was one that really made my emotions run really high because I was like, oh my goodness. I do not agree with that. Mhmm. Right? Mhmm. And then it made me have some thoughts about that person that I’m labor’s like, oh, is that really how I wanna think about somebody else? You know, but then it was causing me to feel Mhmm. Anxiety, like, anxious and frustrated and angry and these feelings that really were causing separation from this other person rather than me wanting to be like, oh, let’s try to understand them more. Let’s try to understand where they’re coming from. Like, we’re all, we’re all people.
Kelsey Sorenson00:13:45 – 00:14:06
We all, I think deep down, we all have the same goals in life. We all want to love everybody. We all want to help everybody in the world and we just have different ideas of how to do that. So I wasn’t tapped in with that core, like, self where I was like, oh, I really do believe we are all good people. And, you know, does that make sense?
Chrissy Nichols00:14:06 – 00:14:10
100%. And do you mind if I ask you another question about this situation? Because I
Chrissy Nichols00:14:11 – 00:14:20
I think you brought up so social media is a conversation. Social media is a relationship because
Kelsey Sorenson00:14:20 – 00:14:23
It’s social. Right? That’s why they call it social media.
Chrissy Nichols00:14:23 – 00:14:51
Indeed. Indeed. And what I think what we’re really feeling into here is your very human reaction of right away going. I can’t believe that person just said that. I thought they were a friend or I’m putting words in your thought space. Right. But you feeling a bit separate or you feeling a little bit distant. And that’s a very real quick human emotion that our brains give us.
Chrissy Nichols00:14:52 – 00:15:14
And Yeah. We’re gonna talk about tools in a second, but let’s just spend a minute in that spot, which I think is very normal of maybe shock, maybe the temperature goes up. Again, we just talked about some body sensory vibrations. We have some sensations like
Chrissy Nichols00:15:15 – 00:15:31
Pulse goes up, heart starts to beat faster, sweaty palms. Maybe you get something in your throat. I do when my emotions go up. And the one thing I always tell my clients is that when our emotions are high, our intelligence is low.
Chrissy Nichols00:15:33 – 00:15:56
And you just name that like you’re reading social media post or you’re looking at something and you have that whatever micro reaction a stress is coming up for you. Yeah. Yeah. What do you do next before even getting into any tools, tricks, tips, solutions for our listeners? But what’s your head space in that moment?
Kelsey Sorenson00:15:56 – 00:16:20
The funny thing is I’ve had multiple of these moments about different things. Right? I’m sure we all have where it’s like, oh, you see something on social media. And I feel like this is a good example because sometimes we feel safe behind a screen or whatever, but, really, it is. Like you said, it’s social. It is other people. Mhmm. And so, anyway, what I do next I mean, the funny thing it really depends. Sometimes I’m in it for a while.
Kelsey Sorenson00:16:20 – 00:16:58
You know? Sometimes I’m, like, frustrated. I’m ruminating on my own thoughts or opinions about whatever it is. Mhmm. I might put a response there that I’m like, oh, maybe that wouldn’t be a response that I would put if I were tapped into my true self. Right? If I were tapped into my higher level brain, into my actual deeper thoughts and beliefs on top of these automatic thoughts that are just trying to protect myself, trying to protect how I think or how I feel and trying to almost prove that I’m right Mhmm. When it that’s not what it’s about. Right? About us being right all the time. So sometimes there’ll be a response.
Kelsey Sorenson00:16:58 – 00:17:19
Other times I do catch myself because I am doing this work and I’m like, hey, that’s interesting. Right? You’re I I feel my pulse racing. I feel, myself getting angry. What’s going on in my head right now? What’s going on in my body right now? What’s going on in my heart right now? How could I try to understand this other person’s perspective a little bit more? Okay. Connect with them as another human being.
Chrissy Nichols00:17:19 – 00:17:30
So you’re amazing and very elevated, and we’re both coaches in this mindfulness space. But can I get real petty with you and tell you what my brain does?
Kelsey Sorenson00:17:30 – 00:17:32
Oh, yeah. Get real petty.
Chrissy Nichols00:17:32 – 00:18:01
When I I mean, even this is our amazing vocation and profession, and we you and I have been trained by, I think, one of the best coaching schools in the world. I think it is the only coaching school. But I still find myself even in this work. If I’m in a situation, it’s either a social media post exactly this example, or it could be a live conversation, could be at a dinner table or at a dinner party.
Kelsey Sorenson00:18:01 – 00:18:05
Especially like you were talking about, like, at dinner parties and the holidays, which we’re coming up on.
Chrissy Nichols00:18:05 – 00:18:35
Yeah. If something is said that really takes me aback and really puts me on my heels, my brain goes to full judgment. And I listen to what it has to say, but it says things like, I can’t believe she said that she’s so dumb. Yeah. I can’t believe that came out of her mouth. I thought we were friends. I thought I was friends with a smarter person than this. She is not the woman I thought she was.
Chrissy Nichols00:18:35 – 00:19:07
She, he, whomever it is who said it. Wow. I really thought I knew them better. Wow. I really thought we were on the same page about things and I hear it. And the reason I know that it does this and gets full petty, full nasty, full judge judgment is because I’ve been through these cycles so many times. And in the past, I feel like in the spectrum of being able to know what to do in these, this is why this is such a good conversation because I need this work. I used to
Chrissy Nichols00:19:08 – 00:19:39
I used to be at like a full 10 out of 10 reactive mode where I would not quite claim over the table or into the social media screen, but I almost would. Now I’m at least listening to my thoughts, but I just wanna really come out to all of our amazing students and listeners and teachers out there and just say, wow, I still get real judgy, petty and awful. Even in the moment.
Kelsey Sorenson00:19:39 – 00:20:01
I do too. And I I do too. Yeah. Like I was saying, sometimes I don’t even switch in the well, other times I’m like, hey. I noticed you doing that, but there are times where I, like, ruminate in it or I write a response. There was even one the other day. It was it was in a homeschool Facebook group, and there was a post that I did not agree with. And a lot of people were agreeing with it, and then I felt like, I don’t agree.
Kelsey Sorenson00:20:01 – 00:20:26
And I was like, maybe this isn’t the group for me anymore. I was snarky. You know? And then people are like, there are thousands of people in this group, and and I’m like, oh my goodness. Now I’m, like, embarrassed because this is my business. I’m someone, like, pissed to my profile, and I’m representing my company totally in reaction mode, but we all do this. So I do think it’s good for us to share that, oh, I’m not just the expert up on a pedestal. I’m always perfect with how I react to these situations because we’re not.
Chrissy Nichols00:20:26 – 00:21:14
No. And and I think that’s really important for everyone to hear. We’re still human beings, having a human experience on this planet. And there is so much, let’s get real there. I mean, I guess we could say there’s always so much that might be my thought, but right now in this beautiful moment, of our time, even if we look at the weather, you know, we just had the Southeast experienced some big weather upheavals. We don’t even have to look at government or politics or society to know that there’s a lot all the time. And when we’re in these moments where either someone’s coming at us, it could happen at school. I think for me, my growth has been to allow that part of myself, Kelsey, you know, I love parts work, but allow that
Kelsey Sorenson00:21:14 – 00:21:16
in Oh, I love parts work.
Chrissy Nichols00:21:17 – 00:22:10
Allow that internal part that is full petty, full judgmental, full, just gonna say all her stuff. I just, I let her do it internally. If I’m at that dinner party, I do try to, like, fix my face. I’m not trying to be fake. I’m just trying to take an internal pause because the Krissy of old would have really stepped into that arena when I wasn’t ready. And like you said, Kels, the next piece of this for me is, you know, I know a lot of us listening to this podcast are like, woah, okay, ladies, but then what should you do about it? And, yeah, I want to get to that in a minute, but I think it is so important for everyone to hear that you don’t have to manage your mind, like right away in that moment, because sometimes it’s impossible. You know, emotions are high. Intelligence is low.
Chrissy Nichols00:22:10 – 00:22:35
And we know about our feelings. They are filled with wisdom. They are momentary. They come in, we process them, we hope, and then they flow out. They come with their gifts and their incredible wisdom. But sometimes that pettiness and that judgment for what I just read on social media lasts for days. And I just kinda I just have to be with
Kelsey Sorenson00:22:35 – 00:23:02
it. Oh, can I share another social media one that’s, like, completely I feel like everybody would honestly, almost everybody is on my side when I share this story, but you can still see kind of how the emotion really played into it? So I shared a reel back in August of my daughter. It was a throwback reel. And because so it was one that was, like, a year or 2 ago. I’m not sure. It was like, happy birthday. I re wanted to reshare this reel. It’s like a really cute one of her.
Kelsey Sorenson00:23:02 – 00:23:39
Like, she’s doing one of our educate, learn to think worksheets, and she is fixing sentences. And the sentence was, like, I wanna eat pizza, and I asked her what’s wrong with the sentence. And she says that what was wrong wasn’t the missing period, but it was that he did not say please, which was adorable. And most people take it for that. Right? But then somebody commented, and they’re like, how about you teach her not to not use a baby voice? And so when I saw that comment, mama bear came out. Right? I was feel and this is just a comment on the Internet. Five words or whatever. Like, how about you teach her not to use baby boy? Okay.
Kelsey Sorenson00:23:40 – 00:24:14
These 10 words, they I don’t even think they put a question mark. I think it was just 10 words on the screen. Right? That could be a circumstance if we’re looking at the model. And yet I am suddenly filled with this rage of, like, for one, them talking about my daughter, but also questioning my parenting and my abilities and, like, that I don’t know what I’m doing. And then and it was kind of rage covering this almost, like, you know, shame a little bit because it’s like, you know, oh, well, am I not doing enough? When really I know I am. I’ve done a lot for her. And also all kids just grow up on their own Mhmm. Timeline.
Kelsey Sorenson00:24:15 – 00:24:46
And it was a while ago too. So anyway, putting all that aside, I felt all these strong emotions and immediately I typed up a comment, but then I edited it like a 1000000 times and stuff. The one I finally posted, I felt like was okay. And then an hour later, I did a thing in my Instagram stories where I shared actually how I processed and moved through the emotions. I was like, hey. I got this comment. What do you all think of it? Do you think it was called for? And I had a poll and almost everybody said it was uncalled for. And then I shared, yeah, but guess what? So many emotions came up when I shared about what I did and how I moved through it.
Kelsey Sorenson00:24:46 – 00:25:22
And then it was a few weeks later, I actually did a response reel to it where I shared, like, here’s actually the research behind the baby voice thing, and that’s because I was in a much more regulated place. I did it as a reel, not a story because at that point, I felt like I could process through the emotion. I’m like, I can speak authoritatively now and that in reaction motivate, hey. Thank you for your comment. But, actually, here is the research that shows that just telling a kid that they’re using a baby voice doesn’t work, and it actually makes them do it more because it gives them attention for it. Right? So I did a reel about that. Anyway, that was an example of just really moving through it. Mhmm.
Kelsey Sorenson00:25:23 – 00:25:27
The response able to change once you were able to really move through that emotion.
Chrissy Nichols00:25:27 – 00:26:00
I think that is such a powerful example. And by the way, I love that you did a reel about the processing of the emotion of that. And I think I remember when you when I saw it come through and I was like, that is so vulnerable and that is so needed because this happens to all of us when we get flooded and dysregulated. And I think what we’re both feeling into this very first part of when emotions are high is just let them let them be high or let them be low. Just let them right, which is a great
Kelsey Sorenson00:26:00 – 00:26:07
But don’t try to push them away. Right? Because when yeah, let them be. Yes. Let them breathe.
Chrissy Nichols00:26:07 – 00:26:52
Yes. So that I think the genius of what you said. Right? Because the person who came back and talked about the baby voice, for me, what that fires off in me as, you know, a mother, it would be something like I mean, would be mother out there like, oh, I’m doing it wrong. Right? I must be doing something wrong. It must be wrong for a child to use this voice or this intonation. Who says and in other cultures is perfect and whatever it is. But if we don’t have the bandwidth to sift through, like you said, I was able to sift through and process and figure it out. But in that moment, gosh, everybody, just please give yourself a break.
Chrissy Nichols00:26:52 – 00:27:12
You are a human being and not always in this space to be so regulated all the time. I saw this really beautiful quote that said, you know, I used to really revere monks and Buddhists who would come out with all of this wisdom until I realized that a lot of them lived alone with no family, no children,
Chrissy Nichols00:27:15 – 00:27:19
Right? And weren’t partnered. And it’s like, oh, yeah.
Kelsey Sorenson00:27:19 – 00:27:23
But Well, that would be easy. Like, that would be Exactly.
Chrissy Nichols00:27:24 – 00:28:21
So for me, I mean, and I have to do this with my own life. If I’m flooded, triggered, just anything is getting inside of me, I have to sit with it for a good long time. And I think the longer I’ve been doing this, the longer I kind of have to sit with it. And then just as you were saying in those beautiful weeks time coming back, coming back and coming back. But the let it is not about pushing it aside the emotion or asking it to go away. It’s just allowing it to be, allowing it to almost follow you throughout your day, you know, perched on your shoulder, just right there so that you can come back with strategies. And I don’t know, Kelsey, what would you say? What was one thing that helped you come back? Do you remember in that moment with the baby voice example for your daughter, what allowed you to come back and feel a little bit more neutrality or regulation?
Kelsey Sorenson00:28:21 – 00:28:59
I did a lot of what we talk about with processing our emotions initially. Right? Because they did have the space to do that. I wasn’t at a school or something. It was in the evening when I saw the comment. And I think right then, I wasn’t able to immediately do it. So I kinda breathe and took some deep breaths and everything, got my kids ready for bed. And then I really and so then it was an hour later when I was, like, kinda processing through, doing the whole, like, body scan, doing the whole, like, all the things and moving through it. And then I did the story to talk through it and connect because that helps me regulate that’s one of the things that can help you regulate your nervous system too is be able to express yourself, being able to connect with other people.
Kelsey Sorenson00:29:00 – 00:29:23
So I did the I let my commute the educate and rejuvenate community in because they knew. I’m like, okay. That reel had gone kind of viral. That person who commented was really not a member of our community or some random person who’s just being negative. And so you can reach out for support, and that helped to moving through emotions once you’ve done that initial processing, especially. And even then, I still felt it. I just kinda carried it with me a little bit Mhmm. And would notice that every now and then.
Kelsey Sorenson00:29:24 – 00:30:13
Honestly, for a few days, it was there. Even though it was just a comment on Instagram, the feelings were strong, so they didn’t just go away right away. And that’s why I didn’t do that real actually talking about, like, oh, Anne with baby voice, here’s the actual research or here’s why I’m doing fine. I didn’t try to do that while I was still in the processing of the emotion or it would’ve come out, like, really angrier or whatever because they kinda was. Mhmm. I allowed myself to move through that anger before I approached it again, which I feel can be sometimes helpful in other situations too. Like, if you have a conflict with your admin or with a coworker to move through those emotions before having the discussions or in your marriage, whenever it’s anything heated, it can be very helpful to take a little bit of time, even just say, hey, let’s pause this conversation and come back and we can both process through our emotions. You know?
Chrissy Nichols00:30:13 – 00:30:55
I I love what you just said there and what you did is that having that privacy to process. Because I think it’s really hard to, as educators, often in front of little bodies in front of a class, or even if we’re in a room with admin, this can come up. Right? And I think it’s really important to be able to talk to your emotions and say, I feel you internally. Of course, this is all silent. But what I do is and our members know this. I talk to all my parts. I talk to everybody and I say, you can have your say inside of my body. You can do whatever you need to do right now in this moment.
Chrissy Nichols00:30:56 – 00:31:25
I am not in a space where I’m able to fully weep. I’m not in a space where I’m in, I’m able to fully scream. I’m not in a space where that would be an appropriate professional response. I don’t wanna freak out my kids. That would not be in service to my students. So I talk to my emotions and say, I’m gonna come back to you tonight. You’re really important to me. Or Saturday is when I have my next privacy to process moment.
Chrissy Nichols00:31:25 – 00:32:20
I’m gonna come back and feel you then. Yeah. And then just as you explained, go through, where is this in my body? What’s it doing? Does it have a texture and a color? Does is it moving? Is it static? Yeah. I really try to describe it and write down the story of the emotion. I liked what you said about knowing the story, and then am I able to process it? But I guess one thing that could be helpful, and I don’t always remember to do it, but this idea of neutralizing to normalize or normalizing and neutralizing emotion in Yeah. Conflict space, It just helps me to have one anchor thought when I’m in this right space. That’s just a human having a human idea or a human thought. That person giving me their viewpoint about whatever it is in the world is a human with an opinion.
Kelsey Sorenson00:32:23 – 00:32:34
And even like to them, it was just some random person on the internet. Like they weren’t seeing, oh, this is a real mother and daughter really thinking through it. They’re like, oh, why don’t you do this? And then they probably moved on with their day, probably in a cranky mood or something.
Kelsey Sorenson00:32:35 – 00:32:46
But so just normalizing and neutralizing it a little bit. Oh, like, they were just making a comment on a social media post. They weren’t thinking like, oh, let’s ruin this mom’s day. You know, that’s not what they were thinking.
Chrissy Nichols00:32:46 – 00:33:14
Right. Right. And Yeah. Or a principal that comes in for an observation and says something very cutting to a teacher who’s just doing the very best that she can, or he can, or in that moment. And I don’t think the principal woke up and said, you know what? I’m gonna crush my educator spirit today. No. Yeah. I think it’s also really important for us to remember of ourselves first, and then we can give this to Grace to other people.
Chrissy Nichols00:33:14 – 00:33:36
Like, she’s just doing the best she can. I’m doing the best I can. He’s doing the best he can. That troll on the Internet who’s gonna be incredibly hurtful. Wow. It might come off in a really weird way, but they’re doing the best they can. Right? Yeah. Until they know better to do better.
Chrissy Nichols00:33:36 – 00:34:20
I love that quote by Maya Angelou. Right? Until we know better, it’s hard to do better. But once we know better, we can do better. Everybody listening to this is like, yeah, I wanna know how to calm myself in the moment. I wanna know how to not lose my shoes and keep it together even if I’m in a really heated or conflictual space. And Yeah. I love Kelsey, what you said, I think, first of all, just letting the emotion be there and then just really giving yourself a lot of grace and privacy to feel it, that processing and privacy is huge. And then you get to decide once you’re more regulated.
Kelsey Sorenson00:34:22 – 00:34:44
Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. And and this can happen so often in schools, like you said, with admins, with co teachers, with parents. Or for our homeschool friends who are listening, it can be with people in the community as well. So it you just never know when it’s gonna come up. And so when it does, like, it often surprises you. Right? And it catches you off guard.
Kelsey Sorenson00:34:44 – 00:35:05
Like, I wasn’t expecting to see that comment for 1 or Yeah. The different social media posts. They just showed up. And then it’s like, oh, now we’re dealing with this right now. And now these thoughts automatically came up. The nice feelings came up. And so we need to give ourselves some grace because sometimes maybe we didn’t have the time to fully process it and maybe we reacted in a way we didn’t want to. And then we can reflect on it and be like, okay.
Kelsey Sorenson00:35:05 – 00:35:26
Now I need to process that. I love what you mentioned too about how you would ask yourself those questions about the feelings, which I love doing too, but we haven’t talked about it yet today. But you even mentioned writing it down, which I love. I do find that when you write things down Mhmm. Like, I get more. Because sometimes I I wanna skip that step. I wanna be like, oh, I don’t I wanna write it down right now. I’m thinking about it.
Kelsey Sorenson00:35:26 – 00:35:32
I know what’s going on. But then really when you grab a pen and paper and you start writing, the more comes up. It’s so powerful.
Chrissy Nichols00:35:32 – 00:36:50
You know, the you bring up such a good point, which I don’t know if you ever think about these situations that you’re about to go into, but writing it down also helps you really practice with a lot of my clients in the executive function space, which in our community, I think folks know that I love still love my teachers so much, but I also really love helping anyone get anything done. My jam now is anybody who needs to get their stuff done. I work with the executive part of their brains. Right? So that’s time management and working memory prioritization. But with some of my clients, we come up with a feelings plan, or we just even write out before we go into a situation, sometimes with other humans, because, I mean, some of my clients anxiety and social anxiety. Let’s be real, even I have it. But they when we practice what might come up, even when I’m able to write down for myself, oh, there might be someone who has different political viewpoint than I do. There might be someone who has a different notion about what’s okay to say at a table, what’s not what’s okay to say about motherhood.
Chrissy Nichols00:36:50 – 00:37:17
Yeah. Like with your baby talk example. And if I can practice ahead of time, I think it really helps me. And it really helps me be aware of what’s coming. So it’s almost like a practice plan for conflict. And I will tell you everybody, when I help my clients move through this or when I do it with myself, I always practice on myself first, everything that I put together.
Chrissy Nichols00:37:17 – 00:37:50
It helps so much just to even say, okay, you’re about to walk into a space where other humans are gonna have other thoughts, feelings about a particular thing that are gonna be different from yours. It’s so giving, and I think thoughtful to somebody else. So that’s one of the reasons I do it. I do it for me, but I am also like, okay, if I can just have a plan and know that this is gonna come up, it’s gonna be a lot less scary. It’s not gonna knock me off my center.
Kelsey Sorenson00:37:50 – 00:38:02
Yeah. And I love that you can do that without even knowing it can just be like, oh, this is when conflict with another person comes up. When, like I mentioned, it comes up completely unexpectedly, you’re kind of like, oh, yeah, This is a conflict with a person. I might not have had this exact conflict before
Kelsey Sorenson00:38:03 – 00:38:07
With this exact person, but I know what I do when there’s conflict. I kind of have a go to.
Kelsey Sorenson00:38:08 – 00:38:16
Or or it may be about a specific particular concept too, but maybe you also do it for just this is what I’m going to do when Yeah. I when a conflict comes up.
Chrissy Nichols00:38:16 – 00:38:27
Yeah. And it might be as simple as when conflict arises, I’m just gonna do some box breathing. I’m gonna breathe in for 5, hold for 5, breathe out for 5. And that’s
Kelsey Sorenson00:38:27 – 00:38:30
Before I say a single word. Yeah.
Chrissy Nichols00:38:31 – 00:39:11
Yeah. I’m gonna really work on my listening. I’m gonna answer with a question, you know, something like, oh, that’s really interesting. Can you tell me more about this? Even going in with a plan for myself, like, this is how I’m gonna be. It’s so helpful. And I think the other thing that you just said, which is so brilliant about conflict is, like, so often we think that conflict is a bad thing. But I want everybody listening to this to think back to a time when you did have conflict with someone and you are eventually able to work it out. Didn’t you feel closer to that person?
Kelsey Sorenson00:39:12 – 00:39:43
Yeah. It’s one of those Sundays if we try to avoid conflict, if we’re just, like, we’re just gonna tiptoe around this or I just don’t wanna talk to that person or whatever, like, we’re avoiding actually coming and and, obviously, it depends on the relationship. Like, maybe somebody you’re not as close to where you’re like, I don’t need to talk about this with that person. That might be smart. Don’t do that. But other times, if it’s a closer other times, Chrissy, we’re having too much fun here. Sorry, everybody. But it’s a closer relationship.
Kelsey Sorenson00:39:43 – 00:40:17
So, like, your marriage, your good friend, or your co teacher who you’re, like, teaching with every day, or your admin who you wanna have a good working relationship with. Like Mhmm. Working through that conflict and being able to get to the other side of it, and it can help you to understand each other more than you did before. It can help you to open up your mind to more than just there’s this option or that option. Oh, there’s this third option, this 5th option, this 10th option. Like, wow. So many other options, right, of ways of thinking about this or ways of us, like, working through this together.
Kelsey Sorenson00:40:18 – 00:40:31
So really we’re kind of it’s an opportunity. Right? And it’s a way for us to learn and to grow. Just like Gabby Bernstein says, an obstacle couldn’t be a detour in the right direction. Right?
Chrissy Nichols00:40:31 – 00:40:52
Absolutely. And I I see conflict as a way to really deepen, as you were saying, with the people I wanna deepen with. And the reason I was laughing so hard is because we can always give ourselves the option like, do I wanna really talk to this person about this thing? Heck no. Hard. No. Not doing it. And that’s a boundary.
Chrissy Nichols00:40:52 – 00:41:20

So we’re not talking about boundaries, but we’re talking about those long term beautiful friendships, maybe with a co teacher, and you’re gonna be together all year. So this is an opportunity to deepen and to be able to say with vulnerability, like, hey, I I misunderstood you, or I was wrong, that I have okay. Listeners, believe it or not, Kelsey and I have had uncomfortable conversations. I can barely I was we

Chrissy Nichols00:41:21 – 00:41:44

I’ve been trying to go back to think back, like, like, even in the beginning. What we have. I mean, I’m even gonna say very vulnerable, like, when we were just figuring out our working relationship. And I was like Yeah. I would say something like, well, I’m thinking about working this way, and you’re like, no. I didn’t think about that. Or I’m like, oh, oh, okay. What do I say right now? Or but guess what? Yeah.

Chrissy Nichols00:41:44 – 00:42:37

Every time, Kelsey and I have been able to come back and say, oh, I thought it was because of this or I thought this or I was having this own thought and this is my stuff, we deepen. And I’m sure throughout the years, we’re gonna deepen even more because there’s gonna be more because this is part of the human experience. And if you can really lean into it and get good at it, there’s no room that’s close to you because you know you can handle it. You can walk into any space and be like, you know what? An emotion like humiliation, like, this is your practice. This is your lesson plan for the conflict feels and emotion like anger or humiliation or rejection or I’m doing it wrong as a mom was gonna come up. Okay. I know that I can just feel that vibration in my body. It’s not gonna kill me, and I might even deepen with this person.

Chrissy Nichols00:42:37 – 00:42:55
Right? Yep. Yeah. I mean, Kelsey and I don’t see I don’t see you nearly enough, babe. But and I love when we do, but it’s not like, you know, we’re besties over here. We’re both amazing entrepreneur in demand, hot demand women doing our own thing.
Kelsey Sorenson00:42:55 – 00:42:58
Mhmm. So, of course I love your wording there.
Chrissy Nichols00:42:58 – 00:43:04
No. It’s true. Invariably, we’re I’m gonna say something, and Kelsey is gonna be like, I didn’t see it that way.
Chrissy Nichols00:43:04 – 00:43:15
gonna be like, okay. Well, let’s talk about it. Tell me. I wanna hear everything. I think that’s important. I love that we just brought that up for us. It’s beautiful. Me too.
Chrissy Nichols00:43:15 – 00:43:22
Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Oh, it’s so good to be here. Thank you for this. This is a really good topic.
Kelsey Sorenson00:43:23 – 00:43:41
Yeah. Yes. So let’s just recap everybody. So when our emotions run high, we tapped on a bunch of stuff here. Got a little wild in this recording. We always have fun. But when your emotions run high, Christy, how would you recap this?
Chrissy Nichols00:43:41 – 00:44:29
Yeah. I’m gonna recap it. Okay. First of all, just remember when you’re in conflict and you’re in relationship with somebody else, you could be in a professional space, in a dinner party space, in a political space, whatever happens, family space, holiday space, Just remember, I love this saying, when emotions run high, intelligence is low. So is this the moment to be very articulate and to go through your point and prove you’re right? I’m gonna say probably not. So the recap is when you’re feeling those body sensations, just let them. Let all your emotions and your parts be with you for as long as they need to. The space of that conversation, the space of that hour, the space of the 3 days after, maybe it’s 2 weeks.
Chrissy Nichols00:44:29 – 00:45:19
It’s okay. Once you feel as if you are more regulated and can come from a regulated space and you’ve processed that emotion so that, you know, in privacy or however you do it, you might do it with a spouse or a partner or best friend, sister, coach. But once you feel like you’ve processed it through, take the wisdom from that and maybe write the story of sifting through those emotions. And then come up with a plan if you need a plan for how to respond and or just be able to respond with yourself. But just know that that conflict, what we call conflict, could just be a conversation. It could just be, hey. I see it this way. This is what happened.
Chrissy Nichols00:45:19 – 00:45:33
But I think, really, that permission space and allowing yourself to be in it even when emotions are high is really important because it honors yourself. What did I miss, buddy? Teach me.
Kelsey Sorenson00:45:34 – 00:45:54
Oh, I I feel like you did wonderful. What I loved about that too where you’re talking about honoring yourself, but we can honor ourselves and also honor the other person too. Mhmm. And like you said, when we come about it and we realize that, oh, this is a conversation just normalizing it a little bit. This is a conversation between 2 people about a subject, and we’re gonna get through it. Right?
Chrissy Nichols00:45:54 – 00:46:23
Yeah. And you can even name it for that person. I always love if I have big feelings or what we would call conflict. Isn’t it interesting? We just said conversation and conflict. They both start with c o n, which is a connective and a really beautiful communicative prefix. You know, the con, the together, connecting, being with. I like to name that for the other person. I like to say, hey, I really wanna sit down and talk to you about blank.
Chrissy Nichols00:46:24 – 00:46:38
Before we do, I want you to know that I love you. No matter what words are spoken today out of our mouth holes in English. I love you. I love you. I love you. And nothing’s gonna change that.