How to Motivate Lazy Students or the “Bad” Kids [episode 63]

Kelsey

You are listening to episode number 63 of wife, teacher, mommy, the podcast how to motivate lazy students or the bad kids. Are you wondering what to do with unmotivated students that you may feel? Are the lazy kids or the bad kids, we’re going to dive into what is the root cause of the behavior that we are observing with our students or also our own children. This applies to parents too. We’ll be talking about what to do when we feel like we’ve tried everything. Chances are there’s something today that I’m going to tell you that you haven’t tried just yet. So keep listening.

Kelsey

I’m so glad you’re here listening to wife teacher mommy, the podcast today. I’m your host Kelsey Sorenson, a former elementary teacher turned home school mom. Whether you are a teacher or a homeschool parent, my goal at wife teacher mommy is to provide you with both teaching ideas and mindset tools. To help you live your absolute best teacher life. Be sure to hit subscribe on your favorite podcast app so you don’t miss an episode. Now let’s go.

Kelsey

I have been looking forward to recording this episode for a while because as you may know, if you’ve been listening, or if you haven’t welcome so glad you’re here. But I recently certified as a life coach with the Life Coach School and part of that certification process was doing a lot of practice sessions. And I mean, a lot like for three months, like I was very dedicated to doing regular sessions, one on one with people. And at first I just started with like acquaintances, and people because I wanted to make sure I was good at it before offering it to our wife, teacher, mommy club members. And I do feel like I caught on pretty quickly. And then I started offering sessions to my community in the side wife, teacher, mommy Club, which you may have heard of, and I did one on one sessions with them in the club as I was working on my certification, and all kinds of topics were brought up like wife stuff, teaching stuff, but one thing that was definitely a hot topic was motivating students and the frustration that comes along with that. So I’m bringing up this topic because I feel like it’s something that a lot of teachers are struggling with both that I’ve coached, I’ve been loving coaching our members, and even on just a 20 minute call. I’ve been able to help get their wheels turning and kind of see things from another perspective. I feel like all the calls. And like I said, there have been multiple that I’ve had on this topic.

I feel like we’ve been able to kind of like questions, some beliefs and things that were going on even, you know, everybody who comes in with this. They feel like they’ve tried everything, but there are things that you likely have not been trying yet. So we’re going to dive into that today. I again, am not sharing anything that is like revealing anything about anyone you’re coaching with me is safe. This is very generalized. And it’s just what I’ve been seeing not only from those coaching sessions, but also I’ve been seeing like inside the wife, teacher, mommy, Xena, Facebook groups, and other Facebook groups that have been a part of it’s just been a major trend that I’ve been seeing all over the place. So I hope to be able to help just like on a 20 minute session with members it was able to kind of help them have a mindset shift. I hope in this episode, which may be might be about 20 minutes, we’ll see I do tend to kind of talk, I hope to be able to help you have that shift in perspective to just right here listening to this episode today, I hope to help you have that experience here. And then I’m also excited to share if you want additional help with your mindset, whether it’s about this about your classroom management or anything, a safe space completely dedicated to you and your needs. I do have a few one on one coaching packages now available. And right now as I’ve recently certified, the prices are the lowest they will ever be. And they all include wife, teacher mommy club credit. So if you’re already a member of your payments will pause as you try the one on one packages.

Or if you aren’t yet you will actually get some club credits, you will get both the combination of working with me one on one. And the incredible experience. Those are group coaching where we learn from each other. So that combination and believe is magic. I will share even more about that the end of this episode because I really want to dive into that content. But if you want to learn more, just go to wife teacher mommy.com/coaching and that will take you right there super excited to be able to work with a few more of you very soon, closely for like a more extended period of time because with the member calls. It was really like one or maybe two calls like that with each person where this is going to be like one on one for a more extended period of time to see like a real transformation with coaching So excited. Okay, so let’s dive into this topic. So I want to explain that many teachers might have preconceived notions about certain students, like I mentioned in the title, lazy or the bad kids. And you might notice they actually put quotation marks around those words. And there’s a reason for that, because it is possible to motivate these students. And in fact, when we use the word lazy, or bad, this is a label that we are putting on them. So let’s dive into that. That’s kind of the first thing I want to talk about. So number one is understanding this lazy label. So first, I’m going to ask you, what does being lazy mean?

Or being a bad kid? Okay, think about those? And kind of describe it like, what are you actually observing with this behavior? Chances are that if you answered it, and if I pulled another teacher and had them answer the question, um, there might be some similar things. But you might describe it a different way to and some of you might have different levels of what you would describe as that some might be like, a little bit more stringent with what they might consider lazy, and others, like, you know, they’re like, oh, you know, I don’t believe that, that is lazy. That’s something else, you know. So it’s really what that shows us that it’s up to our interpretation. And this applies again, for our own children, too, as a mom, like when I think of my kids, I’m like, Oh, they just keep doing these bad things, or whatever. We all have these thoughts from time to time, but it’s like, okay, this is a label, let’s find out the cause, like what is really going on.

So students might be labeled as lazy. And I’m going to kind of focus more on the lazy, but it could be whatever label you’re using, like bad or unmotivated, or all different types of different labels you could be putting on there. But it might be because like, they’re not interested in the subject matter, that might have personal struggles going on outside of school that you have no idea about, they might have a lack of understanding about how to do the work. And still they don’t know what to do, they just start doing other things. And honestly, sometimes the label is even passed down. So like one teacher, like, might say, like, Oh, this is the bad class, or this is the hard class or whatever. And that just gets passed from the second grader, the third grade teacher, and then the third grade to the fourth grade teacher. And it just, you know, it keeps perpetuating that label, let students know they have that label. It’s like a self fulfilling prophecy. And I want to challenge this thought to that kids aren’t lazy, they aren’t. There’s something else behind it. They’re either anxious or depressed, they’re bored, they’re sad, they’re confused, because we don’t know what’s expected of them. They’re frustrated, there are so many other things, that we aren’t going to be able to get into the root cause of what is actually happening, if we just keep labeling them as lazy or bad, or the hard class, and not questioning this label, if we’re just going on.

And if we’re talking to others in the building who are helping reaffirm that belief. A lot of times this happens, like you might not have even come up with this belief on your own and might be like a shared community, like everyone in your school would consider it that and it takes an outside perspective to see that, oh, wait, this is a label, this might not be serving me and my students. So we’re going to talk more about what questioning this looks like and diving into. They’re not lazy. They’re these other things. We’re gonna dive into that more later on in this episode. But first, what we need to do is look at the power of our own beliefs. So when we have these labels, these are limiting beliefs that we have about our students. And it’s not about them, this is the label we’re putting on them. So it’s what we’re thinking and our beliefs about them. So when we truly believe that certain students are lazy, it can become the self fulfilling prophecy and make it even harder to motivate those students. Because in the back of our head, we might be thinking, this is pointless. This is going nowhere. And we’re when we think those things and that leads us to like actions, like we’re even maybe talking to our students frustrated, like in a frustrated tone, or we’re, you know, not giving them the benefit of the doubt, or all these different things that our students can feel our energy. And that alone might be driving some of that behavior.

So I would encourage you to examine your own beliefs about these students kind of think about these labels that you’ve been putting on them, and consider reframing them. And you might not even be ready to reframe them yet. But it might just be like, what is causing this? Like, why is this happening? And if you can get to a place where instead of being like frustrated, you’re curious about it, this is what is going to serve us more. So let’s kind of dive into how the self coaching model that we use inside wife, teacher mommy club, how using this can help us kind of frame first what is going on? So we want to kind of figure out what is currently going on. So we can then because we’re like questioning what why is this happening? What’s going on? Let’s look at obviously we can’t control what our students are doing right? Can’t 100% control that, like, what we’re doing has an impact on their behavior and everything but what we can control is whether or not we look at our current beliefs about ourselves and our classroom management, and whether or not we dive into what might be going on on the student side and the actions that we take to learn about what’s going on and everything and we can’t when we’re doing this model, the reason we’re looking at ourselves and our students is, you know, at the end of the day, we can’t force them to do anything. I’m not saying the whole reason that they’re doing these things is because of you, like I mentioned, there might be things going on at home that you have absolutely no control over.

Like, we can’t control everything that is going on. But most of the time, there is something on our side, that could help us to be able to approach this in a more impactful way, there is at least some kind of disconnect between us and them. So if we look at it that way, like what is the disconnect, we are the adults at the end of the day, and it is our job to kind of figure out what is going on. And if we want to see changes, that’s our job to figure out. The other thing to acknowledge is maybe it’s fine to not make changes. What if everything is happening exactly as it supposed to be? It depends on the level of what’s going on in your classroom. Like what again, what is it you consider lazy or bad? Are these behaviors that are just like, what if it’s just happening on it’s supposed to be and I’m learning about this? Or what if there’s something for me to learn and improve my classroom management skills, or how I connect with my students like, either way, look at this as an opportunity to improve and enhance your teaching skills. Okay,

Kelsey

So let’s dive into the self coaching model. So the model that we use is, it goes see T F, A R, and I’m going to explain explain it in every episode that I use it just so you can kind of be aware of it. If you’ve been listening for a while, you might have heard this before, but I never know what episodes somebody started on. So I’m going to explain it. So C is the circumstance of what is going on. T is what we think about that neutral circumstance. And I’m going to like dive into specific examples here in a second. F is how we feel when we think that a is what we are doing and what we’re not doing. And the R is the result that we see as driven by those actions that we take. So let’s kind of take a look at this. So for the see when we’re talking about like lazy or bad or hard the hard class or whatever. What is actually happening. And I don’t mean like, Oh, they’re being lazy, or they’re being bad. They’re just not motivated. No, I’m talking like specific, concrete examples. Like if I walked into your classroom, what would I actually be seeing them doing? Are they like getting up and walking around when they’re not supposed to? Are they calling out when it’s not their turn? Are they not raising their hand? Are they like playing with toys in their desk or something? What is it that they’re actually doing? Like physically? Like, you could observe this?

Okay, so that is the circumstance, we’re not adding any sort of meaning to it yet. Then we’re looking at our thoughts. So when this is happening, what do you think about it? Are you thinking something like they don’t care? They’re lazy, they’re bad. This isn’t working? Like if you think so kind of just like, you know, close your eyes. And imagine the last specific time this happen? Close your eyes and imagine it and what were you thinking about it? Was it one of those things I mentioned? Was it something else? Then when you think that how does that make you feel? What like emotion? Are you feeling? What sensations in your body? And when you feel that way? So that’s our feeling. And our feeling is driven by the thoughts that we’re having about this happening? Now, when we feel that way, what actions do we take? So this is what are we doing? So you’re talking to your students? Like, how are you talking to them? Is it in more of a harsh tone? Are you actually pulling back because you’re frustrated? And you’re like this isn’t working? So you just give up? What is it that you’re doing? What are you not doing? Are you asking questions about what’s going on or not? So just kind of think of when you’re feeling this way? What is something you are not doing that you might be doing? If you were feeling say curious in the status. So think of what are you doing?

What are you not doing, I really invite you to like do this exercise, write it out, write the see the circumstance of what is going on. If you’re not driving, I really recommend you doing this. If you are driving or something or doing dishes or working out or whatnot, come back and do this later, you can always listen again. So write down CTF AR Hana page, what are the students actually doing? And to make this even more helpful? Think of the last specific time what they were doing? What did you think about it? How did you feel? What actions did you take? What ones did you not do that when you’re kind of looking at it from a bird’s eye view? You’re like, oh, maybe I could have done this. And I didn’t if I were feeling a different way, like if I were a few and curious if I were asking questions, and then are what is the result of those actions you’re taking? So an example of result if somebody was thinking like, this isn’t working, they’re feeling frustrated? What are they doing, they’re just like pulling back. And they’re talking to their students in a frustrated tone and being kind of short with them or any of those kinds of things.

Maybe that result would lead them to that they are actually not caring. So like they’re saying this isn’t working, or my students don’t care, and maybe they don’t care. And maybe you don’t care to observe and make the changes in your classroom management that might make it a little bit more how you want it to be to see that how we can actually kind of take a little bit of ownership of it. And again, this is just observing this, there’s a good chance you’ve already been beating yourself up about your classroom management. And if you implement this exercise, there’s a chance you may be doing that. Now don’t that’s not what this is for. This is an awareness tool. And when we get this awareness, it’s actually wonderful. We should make oh my goodness, I’m so glad I know. Notice now because now, like, even if I feel kind of bad, I’m like, Oh, this is what’s happening. I don’t like this feeling. It’s like, well, that’s like where we get this awareness. And it’s wonderful. It helps us know what we can do next. Okay. So once we kind of do our own, like thought work about this and kind of look at what we’re doing this is when we’re in a space where we can be curious about what is really going on, what are our students beliefs, because you know, we have our model of what’s going on in the classroom, they have theirs too. And we’re not going to like do their model like we did with ours, because again, the model is always about us in our own work.

And, again, we can’t control or know exactly what other students are thinking and feeling. But we might want to question it, just like we did the model for the teachers, they have their own, they have their thoughts and feelings of what is going on in your classroom of their experience of it. And that is what drives what they’re doing in the classroom. So I encourage you to really look at them with curiosity and empathy rather than judgment to better try to understand their situation from your vantage point. So what you might do is just get curious and think about if they aren’t lazy. What might it be that they are kind of like those emotions in the wound at the beginning? Is it? Do they not know what they’re supposed to be doing? Are they frustrated? Because they don’t understand the content? Are they feeling anxious? Like there’s so much that could be going on? If we start to question, what is actually going on? So one thing you can do about this tool is actually one resource that you have right in front of you, but you might not be utilizing is your students, right? Or your children. And you can just ask open ended questions with them, you can talk to them. And because some of the clients I talked with, and again, I’m not singling out anyone, I talked to a lot of people on this topic. But a lot of them haven’t even taken the time to get curious about what is going on from the students perspective.

So first, we get curious, in our own mindset, we kind of do that work I was talking about, but then we get curious with our students have a conversation with them, ask what’s going on, and kind of say, hey, things have not been going so well in our classroom right now in that and kind of share, like the circumstances of what’s happening, like, some of you have been doing this or that or that, or whatever. And kind of be like, Hey, it is my job to make sure that I can teach you. So you kind of take some ownership on your side, this helps kind of build that rapport and open them up to conversation like this isn’t even be getting at you like have you tried coming at it from this perspective. So it’s my job to make sure I can teach you and that this class runs smoothly? What are some things that you think might help? Why do you think that this is going on, and you can kind of open the door to that conversation, you could even ask them like how they’ve been feeling like, there are a lot of ways you could talk with them, obviously dependent on the age of the students you teach. But this could be a resource that you maybe haven’t considered using that you could try. And this is really like the importance of effective communication.

And it can really help you like build that relationship with your students too. Because if you have a strong relationship, students are more likely to like respect you as their teacher, if you kind of have that connection. And this can be a way to do that. So that includes like active listening, providing feedback in an empathetic way, and building that rapport with them. Okay, so next we want to talk about management, because motivation and management go hand in hand with each other. Because again, a lot of there’s something else going on. And what that might be is that there isn’t a clear plan for them that they know is the same all the time. So when they are having a hard time you like take a step back, or you are not consistently maybe one day, you like have a consequence for something and the other day, they do the same thing, or another student does the same thing. And there’s no consequence like it needs to be consistent. They need to know what is expected, we need to be clear in our words and our actions. So when we do that, and when we’re consistent, they will learn that you mean what you say. And that alone can go a really long ways as well. And I’m actually talking next week on the podcast with Linda Cardenas, from Teach for the heart and we’re talking all about classroom management and these strategies and motivating them. I feel like this episode and that one really piggyback off of each other.

So if you’re like, Okay, this mindset stuff kind of blew my mind. Like, take a second to process that. Listen to the rest of this episode. But then be ready for next week when we’re going to talk about even more strategies, it’s going to be great, but really making that plan ahead of time. So you know, you’re not making those decisions in the moment of am I going to implement a consequence or what is it going to do when this happens? you’re anticipating everything ahead of time. So that is a way to help motivate those students because they know they know they can count on you. This helps build their relationship that helps them know that you are credible as their teacher. A lot of this even ties back into competence in your abilities. Like if you are confident in your abilities to manage that classroom. When you really step into that role. Then the students can see that like I mentioned earlier On this episode, that energy can be felt when you are confident in what you’re doing and you’re consistent. And again, we can’t control everything. That doesn’t mean that students aren’t going to have these behaviors, some of them are still going to happen.

But we can encourage them with consistency. And then they know that there’s natural follow up consequences and everything. Another thing that we can do is provide feedback. And that can even be privately so you can like pull them aside and have a conversation with them. And tailor the approach to the individual needs of each student, as we talk about on this podcast, like every student is different. And so some students might need assignments, like broken down into smaller, more manageable tasks, and then maybe they won’t feel so overwhelmed, and they’ll be able to do them. So I also believe that differentiation is a way to help motivate students to do their best work. And that might mean like, you know, breaking down the assignment into smaller chunks, it may also mean that having enrichment for those who finished because often the class clowns are the students who finish their work ahead of time. So again, this is all part of planning ahead of time in your classroom management.

Kelsey

Okay, so let’s kind of go over what we talked about today. So first, we talked about the first we talked about the labels that we use with our students, whether it’s lazy, the bad kids, the hard class, again, those are labels. And what is actually happening is the neutral circumstance of what those students are actually doing, which is like the actions they are taking is what we think about those drives the way we feel and how we show up in the classroom. That is one part that creates the result of what is going on in your classroom. The thing is that kids, they aren’t lazy, they’re anxious, depressed, bored, don’t know what’s going on, there are a lot of other things going on. So when we look at this, take that bird’s eye view, look at what we are doing, and how we’re showing up that helps us to be able to get curious. So looking at ourselves first and then getting curious about our students. If I were to sum up this episode, in two steps, it would be that like, or I guess three would be question the label question what we’re labeling them as it’d be get curious about what we are doing, what we’re thinking, feeling, and how that’s driving our actions and the results, kind of taking a little bit of ownership there. And then getting curious about what is going on with our students start asking questions both to yourself about what you think might be going on and to them. And then from there, you can kind of start making sure that you are consistent, like looking at maybe some of those actions like in that action line of the model we talked about, Remember how I talked about if you wrote out on your paper, look at the actions that you’re taking and not taking. And that is when you can kind of use these practical strategies like talking to your students, which you may or may not have done. And even if you talk to them, and might be talking to them with a different approach, with more of a curious approach, like what is going on, let’s build this relationship, which again, will build that trust. And if you are able to come up with some strategies that might work together, that even helps get their buy in. So really just talking to your students, and then from they’re making a clear plan of what you want to do next. So changing our mindset and beliefs is a process, I really believe it is the first step of what you want to do.

And then that is when you can start playing those actionable strategies. I’m going to be talking to Linda Cardenas next week, you’re going to want to check out that episode. So make sure you hit subscribe. And then later this month, I will also be talking about how to be more confident as a teacher on the podcast. So confidence is one of the things that you’re struggling with. A lack of confidence in showing up with a lack of confidence is another thing that is kind of like a red light to our students like oh, she doesn’t know what she’s doing. Why should I listen to her? Again, this is something you get curious about. I’m not saying that that is you? I’m just saying that something for you to potentially question you might be like, Oh, no, I’m super confident. And that’s great. I’m so glad. But that’s another thing to look at. Now. If you want some more help with this with your confidence with your mindset or absolutely anything, I invite you to come to a coaching call inside wife, teacher mommy club, if you are a member, the members who attend these calls, they get so much more out of it 10x Their experience of what they get in the club. And the club right now is 2999 a month it will be going up to 37 in before the next school year, just so you know. But those who are in now will block in the current pricing. Those who come they get so much more out of it you not only get the resources that’ll help save you time.

So if you’re like I don’t have time for coaching well the resources will help you save time so you can make that time for coaching. I truly believe that you can never not have time for coaching because it is what’s actually going to keep you from spinning and all the problems that you’re experiencing your your teaching and your life and everything. I feel like it’s such an important thing to make time for and to invest in because you are worth it is a teacher and it can help up level your mindset in your life in your skills as a teacher or anything else. In my opinion coaching is always worth it has benefited me so much in my life, which is why I added it to the club. And even as a coach now I’m certified as a coach but I I have a consult with my previous life coach to sign on again for some more coaching because I practice what I preach, I believe everybody should have a coach, I just think it’s so helpful in your life. It’s the outside perspective, that bird’s eye view that a lot of times, we just can’t see ourselves, and we need someone to help pointed out to us. So then we can be like, Oh, wait, maybe, maybe I’m thinking about this, I can think about this in a different way and see a different result in your life. And while it may be simple, it is powerful. And sometimes we need somebody else to point that out for us. So if you want to go to wife, teacher mommy.com/coaching, you can learn more about that I actually and that page will actually show you the one on one packages that are open. Now this is where you can work one on one with me. I truly believe one on one coaching is magical.

That is what I started with. Because you can feel confident opening up about absolutely anything you have somebody it’s a safe space for like part of what I was trained on for three months is to not hold any judgment. And to completely just be like a blank slate and ask you questions help you observe your mind. And I am here and ready to do that for you. I’m so excited. And the pricing and the packages are listed on the website. Again, all of them come a club credit. So you get the amazing experience of the group coaching, in addition to the one on one coaching, and if you’re already a member that can be applied to your current membership. And if the investment in one on one coaching isn’t for you right now, that’s totally fine, you can get the amazing deal by signing up for wife, teacher mommy club, I honestly I’ve been going through certification, I’ve been looking at so many websites of life coaches, and I kid you not I have yet to find another life coaching membership, that is only 2999 a month. And those are just for life coaching. Ours is like coaching and resources. And that’s why we’ve been encouraged to increase our price. And even the price increase we’re doing is a small job. Others have encouraged us to do even more, but we just want to make sure this stays accessible for teachers that any teacher can sign up and join us inside wife, teacher mommy club, and then those who are ready to dive in deep and do the work one on one with me, we have those one on one packages for you. And they’re the lowest price they will ever be right now since I am recently certified. So if you are interested, you can go ahead to the website, fill out an application, there is no obligation when you do that.

It’s just like letting me know you’re interested and we can reach out and kind of figure out if one on one coaching is the best thing for you or not. And yeah, they’ll just be in touch. I’m hoping to hear from some of you soon. So again, hit subscribe so you don’t miss those future episodes with Linda and the one about competence as a teacher. I also just did an interview with Jamie Sears which was amazing, which will be airing soon. So we’ve got a lot of great stuff coming. I will talk to you next week.

If you’re enjoying this podcast, be sure to hit subscribe so you don’t miss an episode. And if you’re ready to take the next step with me, then you are going to love wife teacher mommy club. Our top selling resources for pre K through sixth grades have been used and loved by 10s of 1000s of teachers. The club gives you one click access to all of them to meet the needs of every child to teach while saving tons of time. Plus, you’ll have our certified life coach in your back pocket. With several monthly workshops and an Ask a coach portal you can use 24/7 The combo of resources and coaching is our secret sauce to your best teacher life. Think of my team tonight as your personal team, doing the lesson planning for you and on the sidelines coaching you and cheering you on as you focus on what you do best impacting the children you teach. Plus, if you’re loving this podcast, you’ll also have access to our private podcast just for members, where I continue the conversation with all of our guests with members only bonus episodes. And don’t forget the club with VIP access to educate and rejuvenate our Summer Conference and our private Facebook community full of like minded educators support each other. You do so much for everyone else so it’s time to invest in yourself. Your t shirt brands Johnson will drop when they see just how quickly you finish your planning. Not to mention the glow of the happier, more fulfilled you head on over to wife teacher mommy club.com to learn more.